Monday, March 29, 2010

New Week

So it's Monday...

All I can think to say is "Thank Goodness I get my Adderall refilled today!" Chocolate, it seems, doesn't quite give the same effect.

Besides that, life is awesome. I got so much rest this past weekend, and also got some other things done that needed to be addressed. Spring is in the air, and I'm expecting any minute to be hit with Spring Fever. In fact it may be starting already since I really don't want to be at work today. Maybe I'm just a little burned out from last week, but the thought of coming in to work this morning was enough to make me dive under the covers and hide from the world :o)

I definitely still have some issues to deal with, but right now I'm just letting them sit back and simmer. Patience has always been my weakest virtue, and it always bothers me when things don't happen my way, right away. I'm still feeling out some people, and working on improving things so that when they do happen, they happen the right way.

I am still only 24 years old, and sometimes I wonder if I'm trying to rush things, but I am finally realizing that unless they aren't in immediate need of addressing, I should chill out. How do I know that what I want is for the best for all parties involved? It's crazy that I get a godlike complex about things sometimes, when actually fate moves everything in the opposite direction and the results that I want are totally against the grain. Guess that's just a part of living and learning.

As I mentioned in my earlier blog, trust will always be betrayed, but if you can only trust yourself and not put your heart out there to be broken, it saves you a lot in the long run. I'm not god-like, and I can't control what others feel and think, so I shouldn't assume or try. Some people I love more than life itself, but I need to realize that it's not always returned. A person cannot help what they were born to feel, so I need to chill the hell out and focus on doing me, regardless of how it hurts.

It seems that once I become involved in something, I put my everything into it. This is a personal flaw. I think it stems from the idea that I must have relevance in life and "leave my mark" of being responsible for something turning out improved. Though I do realize that my relevance is irrelevant to everyone else, something in my brain cannot comprehend that, so I'm constantly involved with something, that more than likely won't turn out right, leaving me with a sense of failure. That was definitely the problem last week, and it took several hours of sleep and rest to decide that my involvement with some things probably increased the problem, just because I refused to back off, let my feelings overpower and force things that probably aren't meant to occur.

I've decided to take a different approach though. In the future I will try to observe, decide in my mind what outcome I want, and see if fate has the same outcome. I'm beginning to take some things too personally and at the rate its going, I want to take the world personally, which would probably end up in a premature death of my soul.

While writing this, I wasn't even sure what my discussion point was going to be. I know that I'm still a bit sore regarding events of last week, and now that I'm rested and medicated correctly, I can finally see what's going on, and even though my desires haven't changed, I need to look at the way I view them. I am a fighter and if the direct attack doesn't seem to work, maybe it's time to invoke the stealth, surprise attack. The important thing is to remember to keep playing the game, regardless of what strategies aren't effective.

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