Easter Sunday Post

So it's Easter Sunday, I'm at my parents' playing online while my laundry is washing for the week (my washing machine is still broked) and my dad is cooking food that I will be expected to eat.

The last time I blogged was about a week ago, and you'd be surprised how much can change in a fella's life over a week's time. Work has actually been hell on earth and I'm beginning to understand why after I read an e-mail about me from a superior that I wasn't supposed to know about. That changed the outlook on everything. I am still absolutely loving my job, staff and clients, and won't just lie down and give up because I'm not the most popular manager with some professionals. Though it hurts my feelings that I'm given a hard time because someone doesn't like me personally, it makes me feel better b/c I know now that I am doing well, and all the negativity isn't coming from my performance, but my personality. I know I'm a "know it all," but it was required when I was a Campus Coordinator, and now as a Home Manager to display confidence. I use what I've learned and strive to learn more. I'm beginning to feel that someone may be threatened just because I'm younger, more modern, and more qualified than they are, and people stuck in the "old school" state of mind may not like me because I'm full of fire to do well professionally and to help the people I serve instead of just maintaining it through the work week to get a check. I've got a big ego, but I am also very self conscious but tend to keep it hidden because I've learned that doubting yourself makes you appear weak and you don't want to appear weak in the world of management. I've gotten several compliments from important people around campus including my Unit Director and the Assistant Director of Programs, which are the opinions that really matter. This one superior may try to make it rough on me and want me to leave, but that person doesn't realize that I'm not afraid, I know my job and when I do leave it'll only be to move up. I've got that competitive professional state of mind & I know the system I'm in, so I just smile, continue to perform and exceed the expectations and prepare to make my career better!

There's also a position coming open that I've coveted for years that I will hopefully be able to apply for and interview for soon. I had one interview the week before last for a new position on campus that would've been a lateral move, but it was offered to one of my previous supervisors on campus who is awesome at everything MSSLC related. She was the one that taught me everything I know, so honestly there was no competition with her about the job, and it was an honor being offered an interview. I know she's going to do awesome and set the standard high for that job! Now that previous supervisor's position is vacant, and if I get the opportunity to interview for that I will be ecstatic! I know I could do the job, but I am young, and though legally that's not supposed to hinder me, it has in the past and I believe it still does to an extent. I've gotten some great experience out there and have been the youngest Campus Coordinator ever, youngest PNM Monitor ever, as well as the youngest Home Manager on campus and to date in all three positions. Maybe my trend will continue in the future. I've definitely got to get back in school to finish degrees, get life (personal and professional) organized and work my behind off to set a professional reputation about myself that will follow and lead me throughout my career. I'm learning that the business world, wherever you're at, is cut-throat and people will do whatever it takes to move ahead. As I posted in the "Betrayal" blog, trust is hard to come by and in the business world its almost non-existent. I'm fortunate to have a couple of people at my facility I trust and that's about it. My previous supervisor mentioned earlier is a wonderful mentor and is super about giving me suggestions regarding performance that will improve my professional standing over time. There are also a few friends that work in different departments that are true friends that I love to death and will do anything for.

I've also started taking the smoking cessation drug Chantix, and today is day 5. I've noticed a little change, mostly over the past day or so. My doctor pretty much told me to quit smoking or die early, so I went ahead and paid the $130 for a month's supply and am going to give it a shot. The drug itself isn't terrible, side effects wise. Many people say they had vivid dreams or were depressed, but the only effect I've noticed is that I'm sick to my stomach for about an hour after I take the pill. I have a horrible stomach ache, but the urges to smoke haven't really decreased. I may have noticed a bit of decrease in urge today, but generally I smoke more when I'm doing nothing, which is what I've done all weekend lol, so tomorrow when I'm at work, maybe I'll see a difference since I will probably be busy all day. I'm still "iffy" about actually wanting to quit my favorite vice, but the health aspect, as well as the money saved every month seems to present a pretty good argument about quitting.

I'm also still on the Adderall, which is helping with the weight loss project. Presently I've lost almost 20lbs, which I attribute to eating less and moving around more. I've pretty much cut back to one wholesome meal daily and drinking tea and water, and the very rare Dr. Pepper. I'm down to about 175lbs so if I can at least get another 15lbs off and then gain 5-10 back in muscle/toning I think I'll be in pretty good shape looks-wise.

Since my face has slimmed down some and I have cut my hair super short, I must be looking younger. I'm almost 25 years old and have gotten carded for cigarettes more in the past 2 weeks than I did the past 2 years before. When the woman carded me last night, it actually frustrated me enough that I pointed out the lines and wrinkles in my forehead to show her my age. I definitely don't want to look like an old man, but as I mentioned in the earlier paragraph my age has hindered my advancement at work in the past, and the last thing I want to do is look like a high school student. My ideal "look" is one of a slim, attractive, stylish, 20-something doing what he has to do to make it in the world. I'm still working on that balance.

My love life is so non existent and I love that! As I'm trying to structure and improve my life the last thing I need is to have someone that I have to keep up with and have keep up with me. I'm definitely "crushing" or something, and have several potential interests for some casual dating, but I'm not in the market for anything serious at all. I have found out about love recently and have discovered that people fall in love with others that they don't even plan on falling for. This can be any type of love; paternal, fraternal, friend-wise, romance, or any bond. I've realized that there are so many people in my life that I actually LOVE because if they were to be taken from my life I would be devastated. Love is so unconventional and is the weirdest emotion I've ever encountered. I plan on writing more extensively on this topic just to see what I can discover in the future.

I'm still house shopping, but my aunt may end up selling her house to move to town & I love her current house and would love to buy it. She's lived there as long as I've been alive, so it's almost like another home to me and I would feel so comfortable there Its also in the locale that I've been pursuing outside Mexia. The one house I had my eye on out there finally sold, so this is something I'm really hoping happens. Price wise I can afford what the house is worth, and I'm hoping I can find qualification for financing. It's been over a month since Volkswagen screwed up my automatic draft and my credit score, and my Home Depot credit card is also current, but I don't know if the darn score has gotten back up to where it was (over 700). If this house specifically comes up for sale I will do whatever possible to find financing though. I've still got to sell that darn mobile home, but I've been doing some cosmetic upgrades to neutralize themes and make it look better and still have to get the tax info that the previous owners didn't pay to be able to get the title and re-sell. That is frustrating. I've had several interested people inquire about the house, but am unable to sell until I get the title. It's kind of like being stuck currently because I have to sell this one to be able to afford a new house, but if I sell this one before I get a new house I will be homeless, and do not plan on moving back in with my parents lol. I just have to have faith that it'll work out.

So basically that's all that's going on in my world right now (at least all I want to discuss). I am speeding through day to day activities and loving how everything is working out, though there's so much transition going on. Some friends invited me to come over tonight to watch the Baylor game, but I have to work early tomorrow and will probably turn in early tonight to get plenty of rest.

Look out in the future for that love post that I'm researching, and if there are any other topics you recommend, let me know! Hope you all have a wonderful Easter!
xoxoxo
kcs