Friday, July 30, 2010


Tis Friday and I'm so ready to be off for the weekend. That's all...

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Blah Blah Blah

Uggh. Feeling Blah-ish.
Rejection is not cool.
"It's not you, it's me."
They say, patience is a virtue. I think it's more like a torture.
Almost time to go home!
I miss you.
Just a blow to my ego is all.
I almost had you convinced
but almost doesn't count.
I imagine I'll be fine.
Gotta go home to bake anyways.
My corazon is still yours.


So since January I've lost a total of 30 lbs. I got down to 167 and have seemed to get stuck, and have been fluctuating between 167 & 173lbs. Based on perception of my body (and I have been studying it) I still have some excess body fat that I'd like to see gone in my lower back, sides and neck area. I haven't really been addressing it since 1) I'm terminally single & don't have to worry about anyone seeing me w/o clothes and 2) I don't have time to go to the beach/lake or get in any situation where I might be required to go shirtless. This morning, however, my friend at work (who happens to be a registered dietitian) was complaining about her weight (she has a perfect figure though), which got the rest of the ladies in my office talking about theirs (I'm the token male), which of course got me to focus on my excess.

I have some suspicions of the reason I'm not losing more, and I think it's mostly FOOD! I sometimes don't make the best nutritional choices. My caloric intake is too high some days, and I also think the accessibility of soft drinks keeps my weight up. When I go to work at 5:15 in the morning, Dr. Pepper seems to be the only choice since many places don't make tea that early, and I don't know if my stomach could handle tea at 5:15 in the morning lol. Since I'm budgeting, attempting to purchase a new house, I also tend to go for cheap & easy, which usually doesn't equate to nutritional. People can preach at me all day, but as a redhead and Scorpio, my natural instinct is to do the opposite of what's being demanded of me. I enjoy my morning Dr. Pepper, and as I tell others, if you remove everything you enjoy from life, it's not worth living. Since I decide to indulge in this practice, I need to find somewhere else to make up for it. Obviously though I'm not going overboard with it since I'm not constantly gaining weight, just remaining the same.

I've also started this new position, which does not require all the running around I did in my old job. Since I left the home manager position in the middle of June, more of my time is spent at the desk instead of the constant moving around campus that I did as a Home Manager. I've also stopped running at 4:00am now because I recently saw a copperhead on my road, and I just can't force myself to run in the dark that early for fear of stepping on a copperhead. I've been bitten by one before and there's no way I'd ever want to do it again. I definitely need to start jogging again, if just for toning/health reasons, so hopefully as things slow down with house shopping, adjusted routine and school I can squeeze it into daylight hours at least until it gets too cold for copperheads. I should be doing inside exercise routines besides dancing around w/ the iPod blaring) that will burn and tone, and that's something I'm looking at implementing once I get moved to the new house and have a larger space to partake in these activities. I understand in weight loss I have to burn more than I'm consuming. Since I'm staying about the same, I think bumping the calorie burning up a notch may assist in getting down to my desired goal.

Honestly I don't know what my recommended weight is, but I know that I'd like to be lighter than I currently am. My favorite person in the world, my adopted kid, is the same height as me 5'6" and weights 145lbs. He doesn't look too thin, but he has a bit of a smaller frame than I do. His ideal weight range is 134-162lbs so I imagine mine is close to that. At first my goal was 160lbs, which would be the lightest I've been since Jr. High, but after studying more, I'd like to actually get down to 150lbs, see how I look there, then gain a bit back in muscle from toning exercise. I definitely don't want to be a body-builder and don't care about a 6 pack or huge biceps. I just want to not be embarrassed of the excess "muffin top" that is around my waist. I also have stretch marks which, from what I understand, are impossible to get rid of which adds something else to the list of reasons to stay clothed.

People may complain that we (big people) don't lose weight the "healthy" way, but until they've been in our shoes, they need to quit offering unwanted advice. Since my first thirty pounds were lost from simply not eating, I receive so much commentary on how unhealthy it is and I should've picked another way to thin down. I just think they can kiss off, because they don't know how I feel, or how it affects me to be called fatass or something like that. I'm the one that has to live with the excess weight and jokes/insults, so I do what I can to make me happy. Obviously I'm not completely starving myself, but I did cut way back on intake. I've had several people that tell me 150lbs would be WAY too skinny for me, but I can't remember the last time I was 150lbs and if I think it's too skinny, then I'll gain some back. The people that tell me obviously don't know what I'm dealing with under the clothes.

Everyone is made differently, and I think people should focus on what works for them. Since we are the one's that have to live with our self, I think everyone should do what makes them happy.

As I further my weight loss journey I will keep everyone posted. Hopefully soon I will find out, not only what makes those around me happy, but what makes myself happy.


Another day in paradise

Can this month get any longer?

Seriously I am beginning to feel that July is taking forever to pass. Besides not being a fan of Summer, I also am in a semester of classes I'm not enjoying. Attempting to budget my new salary with a new house payment that I'm hopefully going to have, as well as taking care of some legal issues that I decided to take on for moral and personal reasons. As we are still a little under a week away from the next month, I feel as if I'm stuck in summer-limbo! I've always been a fan of Autumn and Winter, and I look at the cold weather as an opportunity to dress cuter, eat more and get advantageous cuddling time (if I ever get anyone to cuddle with). In July though, I'm dealing with excess sweating, which makes my face break out and a grumpier attitude since I am already hot natured and too much heat makes me cranky. lol.

Life is, of course, grand though. I am enjoying my job, though I still havent quite acclimated to the slower pace. I miss my old job, but doubt I would go back to it if I had the chance. I just look at it as a past chapter that gave good experience and influenced my life in the [positive] way it's going. It seems things are finally working out for me. I've gotten the larger salary, and think I've actually found a house that I'll be able to afford. It is a "fixer upper" but not a totally hopeless one. It has the potential to double in value if I do what I plan on doing, which won't cost double to do. It's also outside the city limits, in a quiet area close to Mexia and about 5 minutes away from my job, which will definitely save gas $ and mileage on the car. It's also a 3 bed/ 2 bath which is what I was looking for. Even though it's just me now, it might not always be, and I have the extra room in case I do ever have someone else living there. As I mentioned, it's only in the process, but I'm just going to keep a positive outlook, because right now it's the only outlook I have :o)

Besides that, it's all the same ol routine. I keep it positive and plan on it working out perfectly.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

What a world, what a world

Uggh. I woke up at 3am this morning after going to bed at like 5pm yesterday due to being exausted plus getting too much sun while helping at my mom's garage sale all day.

Since I have no life it seems, I was wide awake so I decided to come to my parents' to drink coffee and wash my clothes (my washing machine is still broken).

All of a sudden I'm in a pissy mood and don't know why. Maybe its the fact that I'm tired, yet slept too much? Maybe it's just hot in here for some reason? Maybe I don't feel like listening to the noise of my mom loading and unloading the dishwasher at 5:30am, which will probably wake my dad up, who will be grouchy about being woken up, then my mom will complain about his grumpy mood, but she's the one washing dishes at this ungodly hour...

I definitely need to get my washing machine fixed, as well as get a new home in the Mexia area. I'm sick of the 35 mile, one way commute I have to make daily, and tired of not being able to do anything at home due to the fact that I know its temporary, and there's no need in redecorating the house, working outside in the yard or even getting satellite tv & internet hooked up, because I know that eventually I'll be moving and will end up selling the current home, leaving the garden/flower beds and then be stuck with a satellite/internet contract when I know I'll be able to get cable at a better price once I move closer to Mexia. I need to get that property cleaned off so I can move a house in or have one built, and I need to develop my budget so I can see what I can afford to pay monthly on the home/utilities/expenses.

BRB, going walking with my mom for exercise and stuff...

7:11am: Okay where was I? Oh yeah, complaining...

Anyway, I was just stating that I'm ready to get things done in more of a permanent set-up. I love my life and the way things are going, I'm just ready for everything to "pick up the pace." All the groundwork is laid, now it's just the process of needs getting accomplished, which has already been initiated. Patience has always been my weakest virtue so I'm jumping at the bit to get this done & move on to the next step in life...

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Well it's good to hear your voice

I hope your doing fine

And if you ever wonder

I'm lonely here tonight

Lost here in this moment

And time keeps slipping by

And if I could have just one wish

I'd have you by my side

Oh, oh I miss you Oh, oh I need you

And I love you more

Than I did before

And if today I don't see your face

Nothing's changed no one can take your place

It gets harder everyday

Say you love me more

Than you did before

And I'm sorry it's this way

But I'm coming home

I'll be coming home

And if you ask me I will stay

I will stay

Well I try to live without you

The tears fall from my eyes

I'm alone and I feel empty

God I'm torn apart inside

I look up at the stars

Hoping your doing the same

Somehow I feel closer

And I can hear you say

Oh I miss you, Oh I need you

And I love you more

Than I did before

And if today I don't see your face

Nothing's changed no one can take your place

It gets harder everyday

Say you love me more

Than you did before

And I'm sorry it's this way

But I'm coming homeI'll be coming home

And if you ask me I will stay

I will stay

I never wanna lose you

And if I had to I would chose you

So stay, please always stay

You're the one I hold onto

My heart would stop