Fatass?

So since January I've lost a total of 30 lbs. I got down to 167 and have seemed to get stuck, and have been fluctuating between 167 & 173lbs. Based on perception of my body (and I have been studying it) I still have some excess body fat that I'd like to see gone in my lower back, sides and neck area. I haven't really been addressing it since 1) I'm terminally single & don't have to worry about anyone seeing me w/o clothes and 2) I don't have time to go to the beach/lake or get in any situation where I might be required to go shirtless. This morning, however, my friend at work (who happens to be a registered dietitian) was complaining about her weight (she has a perfect figure though), which got the rest of the ladies in my office talking about theirs (I'm the token male), which of course got me to focus on my excess.

I have some suspicions of the reason I'm not losing more, and I think it's mostly FOOD! I sometimes don't make the best nutritional choices. My caloric intake is too high some days, and I also think the accessibility of soft drinks keeps my weight up. When I go to work at 5:15 in the morning, Dr. Pepper seems to be the only choice since many places don't make tea that early, and I don't know if my stomach could handle tea at 5:15 in the morning lol. Since I'm budgeting, attempting to purchase a new house, I also tend to go for cheap & easy, which usually doesn't equate to nutritional. People can preach at me all day, but as a redhead and Scorpio, my natural instinct is to do the opposite of what's being demanded of me. I enjoy my morning Dr. Pepper, and as I tell others, if you remove everything you enjoy from life, it's not worth living. Since I decide to indulge in this practice, I need to find somewhere else to make up for it. Obviously though I'm not going overboard with it since I'm not constantly gaining weight, just remaining the same.

I've also started this new position, which does not require all the running around I did in my old job. Since I left the home manager position in the middle of June, more of my time is spent at the desk instead of the constant moving around campus that I did as a Home Manager. I've also stopped running at 4:00am now because I recently saw a copperhead on my road, and I just can't force myself to run in the dark that early for fear of stepping on a copperhead. I've been bitten by one before and there's no way I'd ever want to do it again. I definitely need to start jogging again, if just for toning/health reasons, so hopefully as things slow down with house shopping, adjusted routine and school I can squeeze it into daylight hours at least until it gets too cold for copperheads. I should be doing inside exercise routines besides dancing around w/ the iPod blaring) that will burn and tone, and that's something I'm looking at implementing once I get moved to the new house and have a larger space to partake in these activities. I understand in weight loss I have to burn more than I'm consuming. Since I'm staying about the same, I think bumping the calorie burning up a notch may assist in getting down to my desired goal.

Honestly I don't know what my recommended weight is, but I know that I'd like to be lighter than I currently am. My favorite person in the world, my adopted kid, is the same height as me 5'6" and weights 145lbs. He doesn't look too thin, but he has a bit of a smaller frame than I do. His ideal weight range is 134-162lbs so I imagine mine is close to that. At first my goal was 160lbs, which would be the lightest I've been since Jr. High, but after studying more, I'd like to actually get down to 150lbs, see how I look there, then gain a bit back in muscle from toning exercise. I definitely don't want to be a body-builder and don't care about a 6 pack or huge biceps. I just want to not be embarrassed of the excess "muffin top" that is around my waist. I also have stretch marks which, from what I understand, are impossible to get rid of which adds something else to the list of reasons to stay clothed.

People may complain that we (big people) don't lose weight the "healthy" way, but until they've been in our shoes, they need to quit offering unwanted advice. Since my first thirty pounds were lost from simply not eating, I receive so much commentary on how unhealthy it is and I should've picked another way to thin down. I just think they can kiss off, because they don't know how I feel, or how it affects me to be called fatass or something like that. I'm the one that has to live with the excess weight and jokes/insults, so I do what I can to make me happy. Obviously I'm not completely starving myself, but I did cut way back on intake. I've had several people that tell me 150lbs would be WAY too skinny for me, but I can't remember the last time I was 150lbs and if I think it's too skinny, then I'll gain some back. The people that tell me obviously don't know what I'm dealing with under the clothes.

Everyone is made differently, and I think people should focus on what works for them. Since we are the one's that have to live with our self, I think everyone should do what makes them happy.

As I further my weight loss journey I will keep everyone posted. Hopefully soon I will find out, not only what makes those around me happy, but what makes myself happy.

xoxoxo