Friday, March 26, 2010

Trust and Betrayal

Betrayal, its everywhere. I'm beginning to think betrayal is one of humanity's most dominant traits. I'm no stranger to betrayal, on either side, but for some reason it always bothers me and more than usual lately.

This has been an extremely long week, mentally and physically. In addition to working 14-18 hours daily, I have been going through medication withdrawals, personal issues and thousands of other pains in the rear. I am suffering from a major lack of serotonin, and sleep deprivation on top of it just makes things more complicated.

While I still have millions of blessings I count on a daily basis, for some reason, the small things are bothering me, trust topping the list. My personality makes me a very trusting person. Though I cannot count the times I have been burned, I cannot seem to learn. The past month I have been betrayed so many times, in so many ways, yet I still let it get to me. You think you have a bond with someone, a connection. Whether this bond is by blood, love, companionship or even the fact that the 2 people have no-one else to bond with, it is never strong enough I've learned.

As I sit here wondering why, I begin to realize that it probably actually is human nature. The strongest urge a human has is to survive. It doesn't matter how you are connected to the person, whether friend, child, parent, lover, or any of that, your survival is ultimately what's most important. Though a person may deny this, say they will die for their loved ones, deep down inside the person is experiencing the urge to survive, despite what the conscious mind is saying.

Lets look at a common wild rabbit for instance. It has a nest of 3 babies. One day a snake comes into the nest to consume the baby rabbits. The parent will continuously try to save its offspring. It will do anything to distract the snake, to lead it out of the nest or whatever. If the snake doesn't go for the bait, eventually the rabbit will give up and save itself before it's eaten as well. The rabbit will NOT lay over it's babies and force the snake to eat it instead. Therefore the rabbit is betraying his offspring. He will make a conscious effort to save them, but when the going gets tough, the rabbit will give up to save himself and have another litter of babies the next mating season. Humans are a bit smarter than a common rabbit, but that survival urge is still inside. The conscious of a human being is strong enough to disguise the subconscious urge to survive. The parent will usually save the kid before himself, but he's got the IQ allowed to do this. If humans were on the same level as an animal, it would be very different.

I know that occasionally the subconscious urge will burst out and overwhelm. Imagine a person who cant swim being thrown in a deep pool. The urge to survive comes out enough that the person will struggle to breathe, and even grasp another person, forcing them underwater just to stay alive. Look back at huge tragedies that have occurred in history, there are so many instances of people fighting for themselves and betraying their fellow man, leaving him to whatever the consequences were, whether freezing on the Titanic, starving in the Great Depression or even in the fictional tragedies we read about and see on television.

How, you wonder, does this equate to betrayal of trust? It appears that people have the tendency to develop trusts just as fast as they break them. I don't know where this comes from though. Maybe its the desire to feel relevant? The age old question of "why was I created" plagues everyone at some time or another. Maybe it's the need for some sort of companionship? To know that you are not alone? I don't know, and all I do know is what I've experienced myself, and I don't even know the reasons for that.

Personally I develop trusts and bonds easily, and feel horrible when the other person violates that bond/trust. This has happened to me (and I'm guessing everyone else) millions of times. It's not always romantic, friendship or even being co-workers, but it still effects me negatively every time I am betrayed.

Some betrayals aren't even on purpose. You can't force someone to feel a certain way, and sometimes a person is guilty of reading too deep into a bond, and not realizing until that betrayal has surfaced and the person feels like a total loser. A person can't be forced to love someone else, though they still may like the person, but not have the exact mutual feelings.

The unintentional betrayal is horrible, but it compares nothing to the deliberate betrayal. Having someone manipulate you, use you and then hurt you without caring is probably one of the worst feelings in the world. A person devotes so much time, thought, energy into a bond with someone who they think can trust, and then they find out that it isn't mutual, they were used for affection, information, money, status or anything else, except for themselves and what's inside.

Betrayal is so common in the world, I wonder how there are any people left practicing humanity. You would think with the good Karma they submit, they wouldn't have to suffer so much, but from what I've observed, Karma doesn't care about all that.

I guess what I'm rambling about is just frustration. I tend to be a tender soul and it just breaks what heart I have left to see good people get hurt. I know what it feels to give your all to someone to improve their life and only get heartache in return, and people that's been practicing humanity their whole lives just shrug it off and go on to the next one and though you know they're hurting, they still give 100%. Those are people I admire and respect.

You can't force a person to feel or act a certain way, but you should just expect them to stop you before you invest your interest and heart in them. Personally I never am one to lead people on. There have been several great people that had an interest in me or my best interest, and I can't bear to lead them on, so I generally express my appreciation and send them on their way. Cruelness is not cute, but so many people out there tend to think it puts them above the rest.

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