Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Episode 3- "Bay of Married Pigs"

Episode 3 of Sex in the City was an awesome one based on an awesome topic, Singles versus Marrieds and the silent war between them.

Beginning with Carrie being flashed by a friend's husband while visiting them on vacation, the girls have their usual convo over dinner in reference to the fact that the wife became angry with Carrie over her husband's indecency.

The girls start a topic that we all wonder about sometime in our life; is it better being single or married, and do married people have something against singles in general? Topics begin to fly faster than I can remember, but something the girls all agreed on was that once someone becomes married/attached, they seem to leave their single friends. Is it because they don't trust a single around their partner? Is it because they feel they are above a single?

The girls felt that a single in a group of marrieds was usually treated like a leper, or worse, a whore. Also why were couples always invited to events? Even if, as a single you're invited to an event, why are you expected to bring a date? These questions have haunted me for years, especially as someone who usually couldn't get a date, and in turn had to miss the events.

As a strong single man in a married/ couples' world, I have had to deal with this quite frequently. In societies across the world the norm is defined as meeting someone special, settling down and raising kids that probably can't be afforded.

In today's time, people who remain to be single are obviously freaks. Usually there is some excuse people make for the individuals that choose not to choose the norm. For example, one of the major excuses people make in a small town is that the terminally single person is secretly gay. Sometimes the people (especially the old people) say that the single is "not quite right in the head." The lame excuse of being overburdened in your career is sometimes even said in the small town.

In episode 3, Miranda is at her law firm's annual softball game that's full of co-workers and spouses. Miranda, who's single, realizes that she's not fitting in these events, but continues to attend for the exposure and hopes of a promotion. At the game Miranda's coworker decides to set her up on a blind date, who turns out to be a lesbian. Miranda, who is straight, automatically begins to get professional recognition, which in turns leads to her faking a date at the company dinner party with her lesbian friend.
This scene actually frightened me. Miranda, who I've always seen as strong, though a bit unstable, actually is desperate enough for the exposure to pretend to be something that was for so long forbidden in order to get what she wants! To see the lack of recognition as a single, versus much attention in a gay relationship, among a group of affluent republicans is shocking to say the least. I began to ponder this in relation to life. Here in Mexia, a fairly conservative and small town, the single would have out bounded the lesbian in that battle, or at least I expect since neither singles or homosexuals seem to be welcome around here. In the real world, however, (outside of Mexia or any small southern town) I could honestly see this actually happening! In the 21st century being gay is actually becoming a trend, I don't see any trend developing around singles. Could it be if I were to live in Dallas, Atlanta, Miami, Los Angeles or Manhattan, a married man, regardless of age, orientation, color or religion, be preferred over me? I can actually see this happening.

Single people are also majorly stereotyped. Singles have been defined as immature, party animals, whores and man-stealers, desperate wannabes and social failures. These people who do the stereotyping usually tend to forget that once they weren't always the respectable attached people they are now.

Personally I enjoy being single. I can barely take care of a dog, how am I supposed to take care of a significant other and, if hell were to freeze over, a kid? I have the personality of wanting to do what I want, when I want. I like to spend my hard earned, meager salary on myself. Of course, having someone to walk home with, keep the bed warm and have deep conversations with is nice, but can't that all be accomplished with casual dating? Surely that's better than being attached at the hip to someone.

Casual dating can be defined as many things. It can be done out of convenience, such as the events where a date is expected. This instance doesn't have to be romantic or sexual. It can be done with a friend. For example if the company banquet is next week, you don't have a date, call up a friend to see if s/he would like to go. This is perfectly fine, as you will enjoy your company and still attend the event without being dubbed as the horrid single. One note of caution though: Once the news gets out that you and your date aren't romantically involved, expect pity and sympathy. You will now not only be labeled as a "single," but also as a pathetic one that can't get a date. I speak from experience on this, as its happened to me once, twice or 6 times before.

Next we come to the "friends with benefits" casual dating. This is the type of dating where two people are not in a committed relationship, but have physical relations and consider themselves friends. Since FWB is usually not monogamous, being safe is a priority. As long as you are protecting your priority, yourself, then there is absolutely nothing wrong with this scenario. Humans, including nuns and priests, have physical urges, and finding someone you know and trust to address these can really take a load off you. FWB will sometimes go on public dates, such as dinner, movies or something which only increases the fun! Now, not only are your physical needs addressed but also your social ones. With some people, FWB dating is the only way to be. One note of caution. Be on the lookout for those darn love-like feelings to develop. Once one of the people in the relationship develops feelings, the whole thing will fall apart, including the friendship. Jealous people do horribly in these relationships (which is why I never do them).

The last, and my personal favorite form of casual dating is the "Emphasis on CASUAL dating." In my opinion, this is the ideal relationship. You find a person you like, and likes you in return and casually date. You are committed to once another, and there is no sleeping around. This is the person that, when you want a date, accompanies you. In EOC dating, you aren't attached at the hip, but you're still true to your partner. You will not live together (but may occasionally spend the night with each other), or see each other every day, but that makes the dates you do spend together more special. From my viewing experience, the fire and romance lasts longer on this type of dating. Also, if one day you do decide you want to be "attached," this dating will smooth the evolution process of that.

Different people have different preferences, wants and needs though. Its important to find the type, and partner that will suit you best to these needs.

As it can clearly be seen, as a single I represent and stick up for my peers. Being a 20-something in America today, there is way too much to do and be offered instead of settling down so early. At this time in my life, I have no plans to sacrifice everything for a "ball and chain." Maybe someday that may change. Maybe someday someone will change my mind, but until then I'm enjoying living the single life and those who don't like it can kiss a chupacabra!

No comments:

Post a Comment