Tuesday, June 23, 2009


I realized how much I hated working in the affluent side of town when I saw a couple pushing a stroller meant for twins, and instead of twins it contained four poodles wearing pink argyle sweaters. The cashier at the liquor store said she was worried about me because she hadn't seen me the day before.
We promised ourselves we'd wait until our fifth wedding anniversary to tell our families we met in a porn chatroom.

When the reverend asked me whether or not I'd read the whole, entire Bible, I didn't hesitate in answering, "No, but I read the whole, entire Harry Potter series in one weekend."

As my knife found his flesh, I never would have guessed that my would be rapist would later sue me for his medical bills.

I have a twisted family that made me believe that chocolate milk came from brown cows until I was 14.

I received a call at 3am last night from a very exicted young man who confided in me explicitly, and asked me to keep it secret, about his first homosexual experience earlier that evening, and all I could do was say "sorry sir, you have the wrong number"

As I felt the skin of my upper thigh tug as I tried to pull the small bottle of superglue out of my right pocket, I realized something must have gone horribly wrong.

We lost the baby a week after we finished the nursery

My ex-boyfriend's ex-girlfriend, who happens to be my ex-girlfriend, is dating my ex-girlfriend and I am honestly happy for them.

After years of proclaiming my extreme objection to cell phones, all it took for me to get one was a message on my voicemail from my mother saying she had to take a cab to the emergency room because I was not home to answer her call.

The death threat wasn't even the worst part of my day.
It just dawned on me that I paid 20 cents for his text that said "Don't ever call me again."

"I would run away with you tomorrow if I weren't dating your best friend," he said while we were having sex on my best friend's bed.

When I was 14 I saw a gang of younger kids killing a wild rodent, so I went behind the apartment building and cried.

Not 24 hours after she dumped me outside of my 6th period chemistry class, she discovered she was pregnant with my baby.
Just curious to why ppl seem to think I'm a relationship/sex therapist, when I am probably the most unexperienced person in both fields in the world. My advice seems to work though.
Also, why do ppl criticize me for pampering my pets, when my pets are the ones that love me more than anyone else in the world?
Why can't I ever seem to be satisfied with what life gives me? Why do I always want more?
Why is it easy to think of doing an action, yet when it comes time to actually act, the fear sets in.
Why is failing such a big fear for so many ppl, especially when others are depending on you?
Why can some ppl eat anything they want and stay super thin, but others smell food and automatically gain 20 lbs?
I fully understand Taylor Swift's "Teardrops on my guitar" now. She liked a guy who was her friend, but he liked someone else, so he confided in her about his thoughts of lust towards the other one, which ended up hurting Taylor. Funny how that really happens.
Or what about liking someone secretly, then finding out your friend likes that person also, not secretly, and the friend and the prospect hook up, and the friend, not knowing you were interested in the prospect, keeps calling/texting you, asking for relationship/sex advice. You know you're a good person when you give that person honest advice, and are happy that he/she has found happiness. Thankfully I'm a good person. I realized that "it wasn't mutual" without it being unspoken, and there is nothing I can do about that but keep the minor hurt inside, and feel happiness for the friends and hope that everything works out well for them.

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