E-mail Reply...

The following text is a reply to an email between my main beeotch D'Amber & myself. After typing it, I wanted to repost it here, just to share these thoughts.
-cs

"I’ve read the “Child Called It” but couldn’t do the others. I can’t allow myself to be subjected to that b/c it leaves me depressed & sick for weeks after I see/hear/read it.

*** & I have more in common than most people will ever know. While abuse & neglect can be purposeful, it can also be done without knowing. That, though, is a story for another time.

*****’s family wants him locked up here forever because he’s an embarrassment to them & their family. They don’t care enough about him to work with him & give him the help & structure he needs/deserves. It’s like they view him as a “lost cause,” which is fine for me because it’s their loss and my gain.

I may not be able to give him the “ideal” family, but I can guarantee he’ll have a family that loves & cares about him. I was brought up that family can be anyone, any size or whatever works. While my (mom’s) family (who I’m closest to) is conventional at most, they were all taught that family & love are synonymic and everyone deserves both. There are so many “loose ends” in my family tree due to cousins, aunts & uncles being adopted, or even others being “unofficially” adopted.

People always say that blood is thicker than water. I don’t believe that. Families are people that you’re “stuck” with regardless, and have to deal with. Friends are people that you don’t have to ever be tied to, but they’re important enough that you refuse to let them go. It’s simple how someone unrelated can quickly become closer and deeper than anyone who shares blood with you.

I’m just thankful that I have so many people in my life that I can share those bonds with. Bonds from the heart outweigh blood-ties any day."

<3<3<3

Life-Strength-Actions

Song lyrics say the words that my heart is screaming, but my mouth is afraid to even whisper.



Right now, I don't know where I'm at or what I'm doing half the time.

Life is so fast, yet so empty. My music keeps me (mostly) sane.

At 24 which direction life may choose to point.



I know what I want, what will make me happy.
But I don't know HOW to get it.



I want you, crave you, desire you.

I think you might think you want me too. I haven't figured out yet.

Call me pathetic, it's probably true, but I live life to please myself & not you.



They say it's a burden, to me it's a pleasure. They say They say They say, who are "they?"



Is it normal to want a permanent, adult life? Living in constant waiting and transitioning is not the life for me.

I want to move, fly, & be content. I want my own, not borrowed, stolen, given or such.



I want love, life, permanence, satisfaction. It doesn't have to be perfect. It (&you) just has to be mine, forever.

Who cares if their's is bigger, better, more expensive. I can make it worth it. I can be worth it, I promise that.

It shouldn't be this hard. It's only another barrier to overcome.



Will it come through? This is real life, not a fairytale. There isn't always a happy ending. Sometimes it ends in gruesome manners, bloody, gory, horrific...



As a human living in the real world, the only thing we can do it to keep hope. Hope for the best, & work our ass off in order to get the desired results.

Tears are inevitable, hearts will become broken and scarred. But to survive the fight must be there...



Fight. Strength. Love. Fear. Work.

Frustration (Another FB Note)

So, I recently read a psychological-based article that recommended writing out/blogging a list of current frustrations to get them out of your head. By blogging or posting to a public forum, a person is allowed to share their feelings without having to bore someone with "woe is me" stories, or to bring someone off their high-horse with your personal issues. By writing, its there for folks to read, but no-one is obligated to listen to you drone on. Thought I'd try it since I'm feeling quite frustrated & want to get back to a peaceful state of mind. Here goes...



I'm frustrated its hot, & I'm tired of sweating.

I'm frustrated bc all this sweating is making my face break out.

I'm frustrated bc I'm 24 years old & my face breaks out like a teenager.

I'm frustrated bc I've lost 35lbs, run 12 miles weekly, control caloric intake, & am still chubby.

I'm frustrated bc I was born with traits (pale skin, red hair, freckles) that the majority of the population considers ugly.

I'm frustrated bc I'm ready for changes, but have to depend on others to do their part too.

I'm frustrated because ppl try to shove organized religion in my face.

I'm frustrated because these same people are trying to shove a symbolical knife in my back.

I'm frustrated because ppl can't mind their own business & get in my business by gossiping versus coming to the source (me) & getting correct information.
I'm frustrated bc I'm a 24 yr old, single male that doesn't whore around & chooses to focus on more important things, therefore something is "wrong" w/ me bc I don't fit the stereotype of my peer group.

I'm frustrated bc if I was a 40 year old, attractive, married man with children I wouldn't have half the problems that are currently frustrating me.

I'm frustrated because humanity has gone down the proverbial hole.

I'm frustrated bc my parents dictated my life, made choices & determined outcomes that have affected the rest of my life, but bailed once I hit adulthood & garnered more important priorities, but then get upset & tell me I'm too independent.
In fact, I'm frustrated that at times I feel like the parent instead of the child.

I'm frustrated that people complain about how miserable their life is but don't do anything to change it, yet I'm chomping at the bit to make changes that I'm unable to do, due to the initiation depending on someone else.

I'm frustrated that people assume "older means wiser." Older doesn't mean JACK, except being more opinionated, full of hot air & thinking younger ppl are stupid.

I'm frustrated that kids are taught never to settle for anything less than the best. The advice-giver has obviously never been an unnattractive young adult who only attracts potential mates he has no attraction to, but is too nice & empathetic to hurt someone elses feelings since he's experienced rejection before.

I'm frustrated that some skinny bitches can eat whatever they want while some of us (who are already not cute) can look at food & gain 30lbs.

I'm pissed bc even if I do get an "attractive" body, I can't go shirtless bc I was cursed with 4 stretch marks on my sides from a growth spurt at 12 years old.

I'm frustrated because the general population is shallow enough to think that stretch marks, freckles & body fuzz is gross. (Yet they wonder why I don't date.)

I'm frustrated bc some of the greatest people ever born are now dead, yet someone like me (average, weird, unnattractive) can live to be a hundred.

I'm pissed bc some people never realize the treasure they have (in a child, student, client) & remain oblivious to that fact while the other person suffers & has the hard life.

I'm frustrated bc just because someone decides to help, care for, or be unselfish for someone less fortunate, people assume there's obviously something "wrong," an alterior motive, or underlying benefit. It appears people aren't allowed to be nice or practice moral behaviors.

It frustrates me that I let myself get frustrated so easily.

I'm frustrated because I lack efficiency in spelling, numerical equations & other common skills that make me look ignorant.

I'm frustrated because I have too much empathy & sympathy, which causes my heart to break quite often.

I'm frustrated that some people have good opportunities (that I'd love) yet waste them.

I'm pissed that I have to work full time while going to school 3/4 time since my parents wouldn't let me go off to school following high school bc they were selfish & wanted to keep me close, yet within a month after graduation I was told I needed to get a job & had to figure out the whole fafsa, college, degree plan thing on my own.

I'm frustrated because my independent nature actually caused quite a bit of hardship due to other priorities coming first.

I'm frustrated because that frustrates me since I know there are millions that would kill for the life I had growing up (& were probably much more deserving), yet I dwell on the things I didn't like.

I'm frustrated because I have to have a feeling of relevance, which I haven't been getting lately.

I'm frustrated because I'd love to jump on a plane, fly to an underdeveloped country & get my hands dirty helping poverished populations, but I'm unable to do that due to things that tie me here.

I'm frustrated that I'm in my mid twenties & don't know what to do with my life.

I'm frustrated bc my jaw hurts due to having "weak" teeth which was given to me by genetics.

I'm frustrated that I frequently make impulse decisions that I almost always regret.

I'm frustrated that so many souls depend on me, yet there's no-one that I can depend on, & everytime I have depended on someone I've been let down, therefore Ill be damned if I let those who depend on me down, bc I accepted the obligation & I am responsible.

I'm frustrated because I just figured that out on my own, and couldve saved millions of dollars on therapy & meds trying to figure out why I'm screwed in the head.
Speaking of that, I'm frustrated that I look, talk, act, think, & feel the opposite of the characteristics I would choose for myself were I given the chance...

And finally (for now), I'm frustrated because I've typed this entire list of things & upon reviewing it, see that I sound like a spoiled brat who should be thankful for everything that has gone well instead of what hasn't. Things can always be worse, & I'm complaining about negative things while there's so many awesome things out there for me. It appears that the majority of these frustrations are my fault, one way or another, & its up to me to make sure the rest of my life is the best.

After completing this exercise I do feel better getting it out of my head & into text. I definitely recommend it to anyone who's feeling overwhelmed or stressed. Just put it out there instead of keeping it cooped up inside.
Its documented that stress, frustration & lows are natural human nature. If we didn't have the bad, how would we know to appreciate the good? I feel the important key is to recognize these feelings, not ignore them, & base what you need to do to reach the level you want to be at. I apologize for sharing negativity & putting it out there, but at least I'm sending it out into the world, away from me.

My advice for now is to always strive for what's important to you. Whether its a house, job, degree or care for a loved one. Its obvious that people are going to talk bad about you. Its probably going to piss you off or hurt your feelings, but don't waste your life worrying about them, because they're just wasting their life concentrating on you. Easier said than done, but effort is better than giving in.

Goodnight my sweet chupacabras. Have a wonderful night.

"Me & You"-(copied from a fb note I wrote)

To various people:

It seems that distancing myself from you helps temporarily, but there are still times I long for the past. The past when it was mandatory to see one another daily. There wasn't a day that went by that we didn't speak on the cellular. Then one day you decided that it wasn't worth it, that I wasn't worth it. You say one thing but your actions contradicted it. I still followed, like a sheep to slaughter, knowing doom was imminent, but not changing the path that I'd let myself wander too far down. I was naíve and was learning, but didn't have the knowledge or confidence to know I deserved more.

Now I have found more, I've found you. You aren't perfect either, but you make me feel relevant. You make me feel "worth it," which is a polar opposite. Its not perfect, but it's ours and we have a lifetime to make it perfect. When I look at you I know we've loved one another in a previous life. The connection is still there. I promise I got your back & can never, ever repay you for everything you've given me. You've shown me that life is meant to be perfect & regardless of one's past, its never too late to get what you deserve. Knowing this may have saved my life, your life, his life or her life. Things like that can't even have a value assigned to them.You have my service, love, attention & devotion for ever. I promise that.

And finally to you. I don't even know you, what you look like, sound like, feel like, or anything. I have never met you, but I know you exist, somewhere in the world. There are too many people in the world for you not to exist. I don't know your age, race, residence or any of that unimportant junk, but I'm confident youre somewhere out there & I'm just waiting on faith to recognize the perfect opportunity to bring us together.

My heart may not be perfect. It may be mended, scarred, full of love, hate & cigarette smoke, but its a powerful organ. The human heart was made to beat, to spread life and to love. Hearts have the ability to grow. My heart will never be too full to add love. To my past, present and future loves, you've all got a place in my heart. A place that is always yours and I promise you will never be replaced or forgotten, for there's always room for more in my heart... <3

Careers: To Choose, or Not to Choose.

So my mom was complaining about having to go back to work tomorrow (after being off the past month) & I was like "WTF?" She said that, as a school counselor, she only gets one month off, as opposed to the teachers who get like 6 or 8 weeks off. I told her that she should be glad she gets a month. At the State we only get like 12 weird holidays every year & have to work all 12 months without any kind of Winter Break, Spring Break or Summer Break.

Honestly, if I didn't detest those vile little creatures called children (glad I never was one), then I'd totally consider working for the school system...

Well maybe not... I don't think I'd fare well in an ISD.
(The next part is ONLY what I, personally, have observed throughout my time as a student as MISD & a citizen in the Mexia ISD.)

Have you any idea what they pay a first year teacher? Or a 2nd, third or 4th year teacher for that matter? At that pathetic base pay, not even the school holiday-breaks would be worth it because I'd be having to work a 2nd job during Christmas, spring & summer breaks just to survive financially...

Plus, from what I've observed from watching MISD, the politics are worse than working for the State. Not only do you have the Superintendent & a Principal or 3 (which I've heard at MISD have a major favoritism problem),but you also have an elected Board, who chooses whether or not to renew your annual contract, based on what they feel & hear instead of actually observing you teaching in the classroom. It all appears to be way too high on the "buddy" system, which is not good for me since I prefer to work my tail off to prove that I can do my job, & not kiss the behinds of people who may or may not renew my contract because I'm not a member of the right crowd.

On top of that, there is few little room for advancement in the school system. You start as a teacher (making pennies every month) and the only way you're going to advance is if you go back to school (and debt) to finish a Masters degree in a certain field, then hope you're part of the right crowd to get a position in your ISD as either a counselor, principal or reading/math/English specialist. If you're in a horribly political district (like MISD) & not in the right group, you will probably have to end up finding a job in another district which means uprooting your family, leaving your friends and so forth, just to advance your career to try to make something of yourself & help your family. If you choose the Administration route, after serving several thankless years as a principle, you're then eligible to apply for a position as a district Superintendent. From what I've observed in Mexia, Superintendents generally come from another district (where they've been run off from their board) and only serve one or two contract periods before their Board decides they aren't worthy & runs them off again. Way too much temporary-ness for someone who likes roots, such as myself.

While the pay of the ISD becomes tolerable (after like 10 years in the system), what's the point since you're going to either have to stay a teacher, hoping that you can stay on the right side of whatever admin comes in the next year, or as an administrator who's on the move every few years because you can't please everyone & have to make decisions that obviously not everyone will like. No thanks! Not the place for me...

While I may tease my mom about her "one month vacation," I'm really happy for her that she is fortunate enough to be in a small, happy district (from what I have seen, due to a low-turnover rate, and everyone seems to love their jobs). She's in a position she enjoys, in a nice school w/ good teachers & Admin. It's not as "clique-ish" since it is a small town & there's not really enough people in it to have more than one group lol. It's also ideal for her because she's doing what she wants to do & she doesn't like to play the political "game" which exists in so many larger places. I've noticed the teachers, aides, administrators in her district are so much more laid back, that if I had to work in an ISD, I'd definitely choose one similar to that.

However, it still isn't what I'd want. While my momma's content in her career, I'm still young (& ambitious) enough that I'd want to climb higher. While I personally am not a fan of political games, I understand that they exist everywhere and don't mind playing enough to get where I want to be.

I guess what I've realized is, that everyone is different. For some, the ISD is a perfect place for a career, while others it's horrible. I'm sure that for some the State wouldn't be ideal, and somewhere even more cut-throat with a corporate ladder is what they crave.

So in conclusion, I imagine that I've found something else to "mark off" my list of what I want to be when I grow up. I love my facility and couldn't see myself leaving to teach little beasts all day in exchange for lots of time off during the year.

I wont say that in the future, as I take more into my personal life & get older & tired of fighting I may look at something in the field of education for the aforementioned reasons, but right now, I absolutely love what I'm doing, love how it effects my personal life and I look forward to the future advancement, knowledge and whatever else it may bring me. I also encourage everyone to pursue what will give them the most out of their life. For some it seems money is the major incentive, while others want power, and some want ease. People should pursue their personal interests in careers, which is why we have so many different fields of careers in our world today.

TGIF

Tis Friday and I'm so ready to be off for the weekend. That's all...

Blah Blah Blah

Uggh. Feeling Blah-ish.
Rejection is not cool.
"It's not you, it's me."
They say, patience is a virtue. I think it's more like a torture.
Almost time to go home!
I miss you.
Just a blow to my ego is all.
I almost had you convinced
but almost doesn't count.
I imagine I'll be fine.
Gotta go home to bake anyways.
My corazon is still yours.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Fatass?

So since January I've lost a total of 30 lbs. I got down to 167 and have seemed to get stuck, and have been fluctuating between 167 & 173lbs. Based on perception of my body (and I have been studying it) I still have some excess body fat that I'd like to see gone in my lower back, sides and neck area. I haven't really been addressing it since 1) I'm terminally single & don't have to worry about anyone seeing me w/o clothes and 2) I don't have time to go to the beach/lake or get in any situation where I might be required to go shirtless. This morning, however, my friend at work (who happens to be a registered dietitian) was complaining about her weight (she has a perfect figure though), which got the rest of the ladies in my office talking about theirs (I'm the token male), which of course got me to focus on my excess.

I have some suspicions of the reason I'm not losing more, and I think it's mostly FOOD! I sometimes don't make the best nutritional choices. My caloric intake is too high some days, and I also think the accessibility of soft drinks keeps my weight up. When I go to work at 5:15 in the morning, Dr. Pepper seems to be the only choice since many places don't make tea that early, and I don't know if my stomach could handle tea at 5:15 in the morning lol. Since I'm budgeting, attempting to purchase a new house, I also tend to go for cheap & easy, which usually doesn't equate to nutritional. People can preach at me all day, but as a redhead and Scorpio, my natural instinct is to do the opposite of what's being demanded of me. I enjoy my morning Dr. Pepper, and as I tell others, if you remove everything you enjoy from life, it's not worth living. Since I decide to indulge in this practice, I need to find somewhere else to make up for it. Obviously though I'm not going overboard with it since I'm not constantly gaining weight, just remaining the same.

I've also started this new position, which does not require all the running around I did in my old job. Since I left the home manager position in the middle of June, more of my time is spent at the desk instead of the constant moving around campus that I did as a Home Manager. I've also stopped running at 4:00am now because I recently saw a copperhead on my road, and I just can't force myself to run in the dark that early for fear of stepping on a copperhead. I've been bitten by one before and there's no way I'd ever want to do it again. I definitely need to start jogging again, if just for toning/health reasons, so hopefully as things slow down with house shopping, adjusted routine and school I can squeeze it into daylight hours at least until it gets too cold for copperheads. I should be doing inside exercise routines besides dancing around w/ the iPod blaring) that will burn and tone, and that's something I'm looking at implementing once I get moved to the new house and have a larger space to partake in these activities. I understand in weight loss I have to burn more than I'm consuming. Since I'm staying about the same, I think bumping the calorie burning up a notch may assist in getting down to my desired goal.

Honestly I don't know what my recommended weight is, but I know that I'd like to be lighter than I currently am. My favorite person in the world, my adopted kid, is the same height as me 5'6" and weights 145lbs. He doesn't look too thin, but he has a bit of a smaller frame than I do. His ideal weight range is 134-162lbs so I imagine mine is close to that. At first my goal was 160lbs, which would be the lightest I've been since Jr. High, but after studying more, I'd like to actually get down to 150lbs, see how I look there, then gain a bit back in muscle from toning exercise. I definitely don't want to be a body-builder and don't care about a 6 pack or huge biceps. I just want to not be embarrassed of the excess "muffin top" that is around my waist. I also have stretch marks which, from what I understand, are impossible to get rid of which adds something else to the list of reasons to stay clothed.

People may complain that we (big people) don't lose weight the "healthy" way, but until they've been in our shoes, they need to quit offering unwanted advice. Since my first thirty pounds were lost from simply not eating, I receive so much commentary on how unhealthy it is and I should've picked another way to thin down. I just think they can kiss off, because they don't know how I feel, or how it affects me to be called fatass or something like that. I'm the one that has to live with the excess weight and jokes/insults, so I do what I can to make me happy. Obviously I'm not completely starving myself, but I did cut way back on intake. I've had several people that tell me 150lbs would be WAY too skinny for me, but I can't remember the last time I was 150lbs and if I think it's too skinny, then I'll gain some back. The people that tell me obviously don't know what I'm dealing with under the clothes.

Everyone is made differently, and I think people should focus on what works for them. Since we are the one's that have to live with our self, I think everyone should do what makes them happy.

As I further my weight loss journey I will keep everyone posted. Hopefully soon I will find out, not only what makes those around me happy, but what makes myself happy.

xoxoxo

Another day in paradise

Can this month get any longer?

Seriously I am beginning to feel that July is taking forever to pass. Besides not being a fan of Summer, I also am in a semester of classes I'm not enjoying. Attempting to budget my new salary with a new house payment that I'm hopefully going to have, as well as taking care of some legal issues that I decided to take on for moral and personal reasons. As we are still a little under a week away from the next month, I feel as if I'm stuck in summer-limbo! I've always been a fan of Autumn and Winter, and I look at the cold weather as an opportunity to dress cuter, eat more and get advantageous cuddling time (if I ever get anyone to cuddle with). In July though, I'm dealing with excess sweating, which makes my face break out and a grumpier attitude since I am already hot natured and too much heat makes me cranky. lol.

Life is, of course, grand though. I am enjoying my job, though I still havent quite acclimated to the slower pace. I miss my old job, but doubt I would go back to it if I had the chance. I just look at it as a past chapter that gave good experience and influenced my life in the [positive] way it's going. It seems things are finally working out for me. I've gotten the larger salary, and think I've actually found a house that I'll be able to afford. It is a "fixer upper" but not a totally hopeless one. It has the potential to double in value if I do what I plan on doing, which won't cost double to do. It's also outside the city limits, in a quiet area close to Mexia and about 5 minutes away from my job, which will definitely save gas $ and mileage on the car. It's also a 3 bed/ 2 bath which is what I was looking for. Even though it's just me now, it might not always be, and I have the extra room in case I do ever have someone else living there. As I mentioned, it's only in the process, but I'm just going to keep a positive outlook, because right now it's the only outlook I have :o)

Besides that, it's all the same ol routine. I keep it positive and plan on it working out perfectly.

What a world, what a world

5:40am
Uggh. I woke up at 3am this morning after going to bed at like 5pm yesterday due to being exausted plus getting too much sun while helping at my mom's garage sale all day.

Since I have no life it seems, I was wide awake so I decided to come to my parents' to drink coffee and wash my clothes (my washing machine is still broken).

All of a sudden I'm in a pissy mood and don't know why. Maybe its the fact that I'm tired, yet slept too much? Maybe it's just hot in here for some reason? Maybe I don't feel like listening to the noise of my mom loading and unloading the dishwasher at 5:30am, which will probably wake my dad up, who will be grouchy about being woken up, then my mom will complain about his grumpy mood, but she's the one washing dishes at this ungodly hour...

I definitely need to get my washing machine fixed, as well as get a new home in the Mexia area. I'm sick of the 35 mile, one way commute I have to make daily, and tired of not being able to do anything at home due to the fact that I know its temporary, and there's no need in redecorating the house, working outside in the yard or even getting satellite tv & internet hooked up, because I know that eventually I'll be moving and will end up selling the current home, leaving the garden/flower beds and then be stuck with a satellite/internet contract when I know I'll be able to get cable at a better price once I move closer to Mexia. I need to get that property cleaned off so I can move a house in or have one built, and I need to develop my budget so I can see what I can afford to pay monthly on the home/utilities/expenses.

BRB, going walking with my mom for exercise and stuff...

7:11am: Okay where was I? Oh yeah, complaining...

Anyway, I was just stating that I'm ready to get things done in more of a permanent set-up. I love my life and the way things are going, I'm just ready for everything to "pick up the pace." All the groundwork is laid, now it's just the process of needs getting accomplished, which has already been initiated. Patience has always been my weakest virtue so I'm jumping at the bit to get this done & move on to the next step in life...

Well it's good to hear your voice

I hope your doing fine

And if you ever wonder

I'm lonely here tonight

Lost here in this moment

And time keeps slipping by

And if I could have just one wish

I'd have you by my side



Oh, oh I miss you Oh, oh I need you



And I love you more

Than I did before

And if today I don't see your face

Nothing's changed no one can take your place

It gets harder everyday

Say you love me more

Than you did before

And I'm sorry it's this way

But I'm coming home

I'll be coming home

And if you ask me I will stay

I will stay



Well I try to live without you

The tears fall from my eyes

I'm alone and I feel empty

God I'm torn apart inside

I look up at the stars

Hoping your doing the same

Somehow I feel closer

And I can hear you say



Oh I miss you, Oh I need you



And I love you more

Than I did before

And if today I don't see your face

Nothing's changed no one can take your place

It gets harder everyday

Say you love me more

Than you did before

And I'm sorry it's this way

But I'm coming homeI'll be coming home

And if you ask me I will stay



I will stay



I never wanna lose you

And if I had to I would chose you

So stay, please always stay

You're the one I hold onto

My heart would stop without...you...

Whatever Post

Wow. I can't believe I haven't posted anything since May 2nd. Just shows how busy I've been.

Anyways, I'm doing laundry and have some idle time, so I thought I'd write, though I really don't have anything specific to write about. There's so much transition going on in my life right now that I am lost half the time. I've started my new position at work, I've debated on housing options about a million times, I'm concentrating on getting physically attractive (the best I can) and have jumped head first back into school to get the MBA finished as soon as possible.

Overall life is awesome. I started the new position about a week and 1/2 ago. It was a sudden surprise getting released so soon, and it took my by surprise a bit. The new position in the Food and Nutrition department is great and I know I'm going to absolutely love it. It's a much slower pace than I'm used to, and actually much less stressful. It's also "higher" on the career ladder, somewhat of an Assistant Director or "second in command," which is definitely experience I'll need in the future. Due to Annual Survey dropping in last week, I haven't really had a lot of routine training yet, but I'm taking notes and learning whatever I can so hopefully I can prove to be an asset and help the department grow and improve, which is my goal in any job. I also have a fantastic boss that supports her department, and the people I work with have great senses of humor and definitely keep work fun while getting business taken care of. I'm fitting in well in the department and it's only a matter of time before my "family" at MSSLC grows even bigger!
The only negative I've seen thus far is the fact that I've "left" my "family" on the home I previously managed. Like I've said before, working with a group of people 12-16 hours daily, 5-6 days a week, really establishes bonds and relationships. When I first found out I was leaving the next day, I actually felt guilty, like I was trading in my "family" for more money, a higher position & the opportunity to get this Masters degree knocked out. I love all the individuals I worked with as well as all the staff I supervised, so it was a bit hard, but I realized that to better myself, and to improve things in the long-run, it was a move I had to make. Though I loved being a Home Manager at MSSLC, it wasn't something I wanted to do for the rest of my career. The object of the game is to move up and better oneself, so when the opportunity presented itself, I grabbed it. I still have been going to visit and smoke with my guys daily, and am working myself through the transition. Like I mentioned above, this new position is so much more relaxed and a better pace, and as I become acclimated to this pace, I really see the benefits to the change, and am still doing something I love, as well as learning about a department I've been ignorant of in the past and realizing that like everything else, this department is a vital piece of the puzzle that makes up my facility and keeps it successful. I am definitely confident that I made the right choice and am definitely loving my professional life.

Besides the change of jobs, everything else is pretty much the same. I'm still working on thinning down some, and at my last doctor's appointment I weighed in at 167. I imagine I've gained some back since I've eaten so much the past few days, but I'm still working towards the next goal of 160lbs, maybe less, depending on appearance. So far the maximum total loss is at 28 lbs. I'm still doing a little bit of exercise, cutting WAY back on food consumption and trying to keep as busy as possible. I still have some "hate" handles on my sides and a bit of a "muffin top" so I definitely still have some trimming down to do. I don't want to be "heroin-chic," but would like to be able to go shirtless without feeling self conscious. We shall see what happens I guess.

I'm still living between Groesbeck and Mart, and definitely want to move closer to Mexia, but I'm evaluating ALL options and trying to figure out what's best. I've got some personal things in the works that I still can't discuss for a couple of more weeks, but I am definitely needing the new home and structure soon so I can get the desired results. I'm still doing my brainstorming and browsing, so hopefully I'll come up with something that works soon.

Anyways, there's honestly not a lot going on besides the normal stuff. I'm keeping that positive attitude and not giving any thought to negative things. Life continues to be fantastic, and I know that it will remain that way for me.

Mixing the pitch to a guy's voice...

Pretty cool! If I covered these, at least I'd know what key to put it in...

Miley Cyrus - Girls Just Wanna Have Fun Live

I love this version. She so should've released it as a single. She did a great job on it!

Been gone too long

I can't believe I only got one post done in the month of April. There is not enough time in the world to address everything that's been going on with me. Life has been like a wild fire. Not terrible though. April has been the busiest month I've had thus far and I've had a lot of recent changes. There were lots of good things, as well as a few bad things. I'm gonna try to get a quick post typed out as I sit here and enjoy a cup of coffee and catch up on Facebook and e-mail.

I'm still house shopping and getting frustrated about some things. First is the fact that it hasn't happened yet. We all know how impatient I can be, but I do realize that taking the time to get everything in order before I make the biggest purchase of my life will benefit me in the long run. I definitely want to get a new house but still haven't decided between a "fixer-upper," small move in ready, new sight built or even modular. Whatever I do, it'll end up being the best for me, and I still have time to decide.
I'm also still seeking financing. My credit score is decent, but not as great as I'd like it to be due to that conflict with Volkswagen Credit, and that one late Home Depot payment. It's all a work in progress though, and since I am one that HATES to pay interest, I want to be sure everything is back to normal so I can qualify for the best rate possible. 6 months ago I was well over a 700, and making my way to the 750 mark. I had set the previous goal to make it to 750 before I bought a new home. Since then I had the conflict with VW not taking out my automatic draft, which is now solved, and the late credit card payment, which was my fault. Therefore I'm still analyzing my best decision.

I recently accepted a new position at the State. It's in the Food and Nutrition department, which will be totally different from what I've always done. It is a higher manager's position on the career ladder though, and a good salary increase, which leads me to believe that it will be a good move for me personally and professionally in the long run. I love my current position, but I consulted my director who informed me that it's in my best interest in my long term career goals and I shouldn't pass up an opportunity for advancement. This position is almost like an Assistant Director of the department, since I will be right under the director. I'll have some direct reports, but am still learning the structure a department in Support Services. I'm just going to go in with open eyes, ears and mind, and learn as much as I can to benefit the department. As I continue to complete my MBA, I will have the work experience to help me in the future move further up so I will be prepared and qualified when an actual director's position comes open. I'm scheduled to begin my new position after the facility has it's annual survey which will be sometimes this month.
The more I look at it, the more excited I get. The people I'll be working beside in the Food and Nutrition dept are AWESOME and I'll have less stress at work, which will allow me to have more of a life outside work, and able to work on some personal plans that I have for my life. This is awesome.

It's awesome how I just have faith to let things work out right, and life just gets better. I practice using the Law Of Attraction, and keep an optimistic attitude and have faith that what I want will occur. I count my blessings daily and let the negative things pass me by. Since I've been doing this, I still get the occasional feelings of frustration, but they are temporary, and before too long I have a better plan and am fired up for life again.

Besides that, there's not been much going on. Life is fast paced and I love it. I'm still working on weight loss, and have gotten from 194 to 174 and still striving for the long term goal of 160lbs. I'm about to start running again and cutting more calories out. I'm in the transition of adopting a healthier lifestyle and hopefully can get what is ideal for me and my body. Right now I'm just not eating as much, staying active and living off coffee and water mostly.

I'm definitely going to start posting more again, but I've just been reserved since I've learned that there are some "haters" that enjoy "stalking" my facebook, blog, myspace and whatever else to get incriminating information to use against me. I'm not letting it bother me though, just watching out for myself. As anyone with some sense knows, everything I post is just opinion or idea, and shouldn't be taken seriously. I'm honestly flattered that people think I'm important enough to spend that much of their time with me on their mind. I'm smart enough to let Karma do the work for me, so the only advice I can give is to keep trying, but I know I'll always come out on top.

I hope everyone has a great month of May. I'm looking forward to enjoying it, as well as life in general.

I'll try to keep everyone posted on going-ons.

xoxo
kcs