Ok, so here's a blog to let everyone know what's been going on with me the past few days.
Following my awesome trip to Austin last week, I began noticing that I was having some upper chest/head congestion which I just attributed to the changing weather, allergies in the air and whatever. I also realized that I was getting ANOTHER staph infection, this time below my tailbone in a very unpleasant spot.
Since I've now been back with the State of Texas for 3 months, my health insurance has kicked in and I decided to get it checked out. I had been planning a med review anyway to see if there is anything I can do to help with my ADD and serotonin deficiency which has been causing anxiety attacks, and since my ass felt like it was falling off and my chest felt like it was full of fluid, I made an appointment with a local MD and decided to get to the root of these problems.
Upon visiting the Dr, she was most concerned with my airflow and chest, which was my least worry. She urged me to go to Parkview Regional Hospital asap, and even had a bed reserved there. At first I resisted, knowing I have too much to do, but after concurring with my mother, who acts as if I'm 4 years old and cannot make my own decision, I ended up at PRH, with plans to transfer to a larger hospital once everything was stabilized in Mexia. (My doctor had originally said I'd only be there 2 days anyways.) My first night there (Wednesday) I had several chest xrays, gallons of blood drawn, 2 ivs put in and was treated as if I was dying. My O2 stats dropped down to 81 when I was sleeping so they freaked out over that and stuck a nasal cannula in my nose, as well as implementing breathing treatments every 4 hours. I finally made it through Wednesday night, though not in the brightest of moods. My cigarettes had been stripped from me, I was stuffed in that little bed and was suffering from heartburn on top of that. Vicodin was the only thing that kept me sane, in an insane way that night.
Thursday morning I awoke in a better mood though. I was to have the staph infection on my butt lanced and drained, my chest consults were to be discussed and hopefully I was to be discharged to return home and get back into my groove of things. Well it turned out that the butt infection was so deep that I was to be put to sleep so they could clean it down to the bone. The infection had spread to by bloodstream so I was facing a staph caused death if it didn't get attended to fast enough, and my lung xrays weren't good enough so I had to go to have a chest ct scan to figure out while I couldn't breathe from my right lung.
The surgery went fine except I was catheterized without my consent, and didn't know until I arose a couple of hours later to urinate and about passed out from the pain. I was leaking discharge out of the lesion on my behind, so they stuck maxi pads on my ass to drain it and I was given another IV in my other arm to have tracing dye placed in my blood. All of this done, no cigarettes or coffee for over 24 hours and I was a nervous, jackass wreck. I demanded to be released and at least transferred to another facility, but it turned out that Providence would not accept me as a patient since PRH was doing the exact same thing in Mexia.
Eff them I said. At least my nurses were taking care of me, and all the PRH staff with exception of one evil hag (who has been addressed) were all so kind to me.
So as results came in on the lungs, it turns out that there was no airflow in my right lung because the bish has decided to semi collapse like an accordion. There was also the chance of some lung cancer and COPD, but I'm not worried about it. I have a history of weak lungs since I've had pneumonia years ago, and I guess my obsession with my precious cigarettes don't help much. Basically I was told I had to quit smoking or die. Still haven't made that decision yet though. lol
I have been put on so many meds though. Besides my normal paroxitine, I have also had Klonapin implemented, vicodin for pain, something else for the muscular esophageal spasms I've been having and several asthma meds. Welbutrin has also been implemented in dealing with the quitting smoking and withdrawal depression that comes from it. If it doesn't work I guess I'll switch to Chantix. I'd love to be a social smoker, but I don't know if my personality type can handle it right now. I finally got my adderall, which is a life saver since much of my smoking was due to excess energy. So since I'm heavily medicated, the chance of me going on a murderous rampage right now is low, and I'm planning on just getting back into my healthy routine and figuring out what is good for Chase. I keep using the money I'll save on cigarettes as an incentive to quit smoking.
The main thing is that I don't sacrifice my quality of life for my length of life. I've seen so many people give up happiness, just to have more days of misery on earth, which doesn't appeal to me at all. I have a bucket list that I'm working on, but when it's time for me to go out, I plan to do it well!
Thanks so much for the well wishes I've been getting. Even though I'm one of the strangest ppl in the world, the people who care about me rock my socks and as I learn more about my disease(s) I will keep yall informed of the drama and shiz.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Monday, February 15, 2010
Seratonin and insanity
So, its been approximately a week since I've last posted. As my life goes on every day, I reflect back on this past week and realize that this has been one of the oddest weeks of my adult life. I am continuing to travel through the world of Carrie Bradshaw and her fabulous friends and am in the middle of about 4 novels right now as well, all of them different genres and opposite themes. Though I've been enjoying watching the SITC series, I haven't really been inspired to write about the topics, because frankly, I haven't been interested in love, sex and relationships, which as we all know are the major themes of that show. I've dropped the novels I was reading with love themes and traded them in for tragedies, self-finding, and unconventional fiction that only a genius can invent.
I've also been off my Paroxitine for about a week now, which means that my body is going through a major serotonin deficiency and withdrawal. The results, however have been so interesting in the fact that my creative, real side is emerging. The raw, realistic, somewhat morbid Chase is beginning to show. The pure jack-ass Chase that my employees at work detest. The Chase that society tends to shun because he's so "odd." As I take notes of my body's reaction to this lack of medication I've been on for over a year, its scary as well as intriguing to watch. I've noticed my brain is always in a daze, yet studying and comprehending several things at once. I've taken on an insane look in my eyes, and have absolutely no appetite, except for cigarettes, coffee and iced water. I've also been infested with some sort of terrible upper respiratory bacteria that is wreaking havoc on my body, which is not pleasant at all.
Serotonin is the chemical that our brain produces when we sleep. My brain, for some unknown reason, doesn't produce enough of this chemical which is causing the present effects that I'm noticing in my body, physically and mentally. This was dealt with in the past by supplementing a prescription drug into by body to preserve the balance. Now this drug has been ripped away. Add to that the fact that I have this upper respiratory infection which is affecting the little sleep that I get and you get the crazed maniac that I currently am.
This past week at work was almost an absolute hell. I love my job and everything it entails, but there have been a few confidential issues going on facility wide which is placing me in an unattractive spotlight currently. It's definitely true that when there's waves in upper management, those waves continue to ripple down to middle-lower management where I presently reside. The results aren't always pleasant, but situations like these can make or break a person's career and I'll be damned if I let this break me.
I also went to Austin again last weekend for a date and night on the town, and had the most absolute best night of my life. The company I had was phenomenal (I hope I've made a new friend for life), the night life, bar hopping and freedom was so exhilarating. I don't ever remember having that great of a time.
Driving back to Mexia yesterday though, a thought crossed my mind. Would moving to Austin for that reason actually be a wise decision right now? Would I be setting myself up for failure by living a life of reality versus what I see in television shows, movies and novels? Obviously unless you're an heiress like Paris Hilton, or some other well fortuned individual, the life of fun will not be consistent with the life of hardships that occur wherever a person lives. Would I actually, in doing what makes me happy right now, be the cause of hate, resentment and depression later in life? I absolutely do not want that to happen. As my real self oversees the parts that have been hidden for so long, I realize that I don't have a clue of what I want in life, besides to be happy. As a 24 year old, I don't know what I want to be when I "grow up." I don't know whether I want to live in a booming metro area, versus a solitary place that's rich with peace and quiet. I realize that just because I'm not living the same life that the 20-somethings I interacted with last weekend doesn't mean I'm not living. Also, just because I'm in a town of 6000 people doesn't mean I have to fit that small town mold that's so wildly encouraged in these parts. I proved that to myself last weekend by taking the trip down south and having the time of my life. So, as it appears right now, I haven't a clue what to do. I know I'm at least content right now, working in an awesome job, attending school still without the slightest idea of a major and supporting myself well enough that I am able to take those spontaneous trips and adventures that I find calling me every once in a while. I must be doing something right. Plus I can see my goals ahead of me. I can see that I want to write, I want to help people and I want to live the way that I want, not the way that the people in Mexia, or the people in Austin want me to live.
I'm a self supporting, intelligent 20 something guy with no major ties. I'm not interested in falling in love currently (if love exists) though I wouldn't knock it if it did happen to me because it would just be another mountain to climb. I've realized that I can be utterly physically attracted to someone, enjoy their personality and have great sex with them, and not commit myself to the priority of accepting the responsibility of an unconventional relationship that is required when this happens. I've always been a "romantic" personality type, but now I'm realizing that being a romantic isn't my only personality trait. The independence, creativity and humanitarian is also in there, and to make it work, there should be an equal balance of all these traits.
So we must ask; what's in store for Chase? To answer bluntly, I don't know. The lack or serotonin has handicapped my ability to fully focus and make future plans as I've always been prone to do. Right now I'm taking it one day at a time. I know that I want to further my education, my career and my living situations, but the how isn't as important as it's been in the past. I've been getting awesome, random ideas for novels and would love to begin working on them since being a published author is a long term goal that I have. I'm also watching the changes at my present company of employment and keeping an eye open for ways to advance and prove myself worthy. I've decided to continue school, without the idea of a major since I've already got enough hours completed for the equivalent of a master's degree and am going to take what appeals to me and if I have to get a bachelor's in general studies instead of a specific field, oh well. The idea of college anyways is to learn instead of creating a program. Maybe when I have the number of hours to be equivalent to a PhD, I'll have decided on a major and have the official piece of paper. Who's business is it besides my own anyway?
So to end this scattered post of ideas, I am still going to blog about whatever comes to mind. I will continue to pursue my career, education and getting a novel published. As for location, housing and lifestyle I think I'm going to sit back and watch, see what fate offers and make the decision on what's best for Chase. :o)
I've also been off my Paroxitine for about a week now, which means that my body is going through a major serotonin deficiency and withdrawal. The results, however have been so interesting in the fact that my creative, real side is emerging. The raw, realistic, somewhat morbid Chase is beginning to show. The pure jack-ass Chase that my employees at work detest. The Chase that society tends to shun because he's so "odd." As I take notes of my body's reaction to this lack of medication I've been on for over a year, its scary as well as intriguing to watch. I've noticed my brain is always in a daze, yet studying and comprehending several things at once. I've taken on an insane look in my eyes, and have absolutely no appetite, except for cigarettes, coffee and iced water. I've also been infested with some sort of terrible upper respiratory bacteria that is wreaking havoc on my body, which is not pleasant at all.
Serotonin is the chemical that our brain produces when we sleep. My brain, for some unknown reason, doesn't produce enough of this chemical which is causing the present effects that I'm noticing in my body, physically and mentally. This was dealt with in the past by supplementing a prescription drug into by body to preserve the balance. Now this drug has been ripped away. Add to that the fact that I have this upper respiratory infection which is affecting the little sleep that I get and you get the crazed maniac that I currently am.
This past week at work was almost an absolute hell. I love my job and everything it entails, but there have been a few confidential issues going on facility wide which is placing me in an unattractive spotlight currently. It's definitely true that when there's waves in upper management, those waves continue to ripple down to middle-lower management where I presently reside. The results aren't always pleasant, but situations like these can make or break a person's career and I'll be damned if I let this break me.
I also went to Austin again last weekend for a date and night on the town, and had the most absolute best night of my life. The company I had was phenomenal (I hope I've made a new friend for life), the night life, bar hopping and freedom was so exhilarating. I don't ever remember having that great of a time.
Driving back to Mexia yesterday though, a thought crossed my mind. Would moving to Austin for that reason actually be a wise decision right now? Would I be setting myself up for failure by living a life of reality versus what I see in television shows, movies and novels? Obviously unless you're an heiress like Paris Hilton, or some other well fortuned individual, the life of fun will not be consistent with the life of hardships that occur wherever a person lives. Would I actually, in doing what makes me happy right now, be the cause of hate, resentment and depression later in life? I absolutely do not want that to happen. As my real self oversees the parts that have been hidden for so long, I realize that I don't have a clue of what I want in life, besides to be happy. As a 24 year old, I don't know what I want to be when I "grow up." I don't know whether I want to live in a booming metro area, versus a solitary place that's rich with peace and quiet. I realize that just because I'm not living the same life that the 20-somethings I interacted with last weekend doesn't mean I'm not living. Also, just because I'm in a town of 6000 people doesn't mean I have to fit that small town mold that's so wildly encouraged in these parts. I proved that to myself last weekend by taking the trip down south and having the time of my life. So, as it appears right now, I haven't a clue what to do. I know I'm at least content right now, working in an awesome job, attending school still without the slightest idea of a major and supporting myself well enough that I am able to take those spontaneous trips and adventures that I find calling me every once in a while. I must be doing something right. Plus I can see my goals ahead of me. I can see that I want to write, I want to help people and I want to live the way that I want, not the way that the people in Mexia, or the people in Austin want me to live.
I'm a self supporting, intelligent 20 something guy with no major ties. I'm not interested in falling in love currently (if love exists) though I wouldn't knock it if it did happen to me because it would just be another mountain to climb. I've realized that I can be utterly physically attracted to someone, enjoy their personality and have great sex with them, and not commit myself to the priority of accepting the responsibility of an unconventional relationship that is required when this happens. I've always been a "romantic" personality type, but now I'm realizing that being a romantic isn't my only personality trait. The independence, creativity and humanitarian is also in there, and to make it work, there should be an equal balance of all these traits.
So we must ask; what's in store for Chase? To answer bluntly, I don't know. The lack or serotonin has handicapped my ability to fully focus and make future plans as I've always been prone to do. Right now I'm taking it one day at a time. I know that I want to further my education, my career and my living situations, but the how isn't as important as it's been in the past. I've been getting awesome, random ideas for novels and would love to begin working on them since being a published author is a long term goal that I have. I'm also watching the changes at my present company of employment and keeping an eye open for ways to advance and prove myself worthy. I've decided to continue school, without the idea of a major since I've already got enough hours completed for the equivalent of a master's degree and am going to take what appeals to me and if I have to get a bachelor's in general studies instead of a specific field, oh well. The idea of college anyways is to learn instead of creating a program. Maybe when I have the number of hours to be equivalent to a PhD, I'll have decided on a major and have the official piece of paper. Who's business is it besides my own anyway?
So to end this scattered post of ideas, I am still going to blog about whatever comes to mind. I will continue to pursue my career, education and getting a novel published. As for location, housing and lifestyle I think I'm going to sit back and watch, see what fate offers and make the decision on what's best for Chase. :o)
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Episode 3- "Bay of Married Pigs"
Episode 3 of Sex in the City was an awesome one based on an awesome topic, Singles versus Marrieds and the silent war between them.
Beginning with Carrie being flashed by a friend's husband while visiting them on vacation, the girls have their usual convo over dinner in reference to the fact that the wife became angry with Carrie over her husband's indecency.
The girls start a topic that we all wonder about sometime in our life; is it better being single or married, and do married people have something against singles in general? Topics begin to fly faster than I can remember, but something the girls all agreed on was that once someone becomes married/attached, they seem to leave their single friends. Is it because they don't trust a single around their partner? Is it because they feel they are above a single?
The girls felt that a single in a group of marrieds was usually treated like a leper, or worse, a whore. Also why were couples always invited to events? Even if, as a single you're invited to an event, why are you expected to bring a date? These questions have haunted me for years, especially as someone who usually couldn't get a date, and in turn had to miss the events.
As a strong single man in a married/ couples' world, I have had to deal with this quite frequently. In societies across the world the norm is defined as meeting someone special, settling down and raising kids that probably can't be afforded.
In today's time, people who remain to be single are obviously freaks. Usually there is some excuse people make for the individuals that choose not to choose the norm. For example, one of the major excuses people make in a small town is that the terminally single person is secretly gay. Sometimes the people (especially the old people) say that the single is "not quite right in the head." The lame excuse of being overburdened in your career is sometimes even said in the small town.
In episode 3, Miranda is at her law firm's annual softball game that's full of co-workers and spouses. Miranda, who's single, realizes that she's not fitting in these events, but continues to attend for the exposure and hopes of a promotion. At the game Miranda's coworker decides to set her up on a blind date, who turns out to be a lesbian. Miranda, who is straight, automatically begins to get professional recognition, which in turns leads to her faking a date at the company dinner party with her lesbian friend.
This scene actually frightened me. Miranda, who I've always seen as strong, though a bit unstable, actually is desperate enough for the exposure to pretend to be something that was for so long forbidden in order to get what she wants! To see the lack of recognition as a single, versus much attention in a gay relationship, among a group of affluent republicans is shocking to say the least. I began to ponder this in relation to life. Here in Mexia, a fairly conservative and small town, the single would have out bounded the lesbian in that battle, or at least I expect since neither singles or homosexuals seem to be welcome around here. In the real world, however, (outside of Mexia or any small southern town) I could honestly see this actually happening! In the 21st century being gay is actually becoming a trend, I don't see any trend developing around singles. Could it be if I were to live in Dallas, Atlanta, Miami, Los Angeles or Manhattan, a married man, regardless of age, orientation, color or religion, be preferred over me? I can actually see this happening.
Single people are also majorly stereotyped. Singles have been defined as immature, party animals, whores and man-stealers, desperate wannabes and social failures. These people who do the stereotyping usually tend to forget that once they weren't always the respectable attached people they are now.
Personally I enjoy being single. I can barely take care of a dog, how am I supposed to take care of a significant other and, if hell were to freeze over, a kid? I have the personality of wanting to do what I want, when I want. I like to spend my hard earned, meager salary on myself. Of course, having someone to walk home with, keep the bed warm and have deep conversations with is nice, but can't that all be accomplished with casual dating? Surely that's better than being attached at the hip to someone.
Casual dating can be defined as many things. It can be done out of convenience, such as the events where a date is expected. This instance doesn't have to be romantic or sexual. It can be done with a friend. For example if the company banquet is next week, you don't have a date, call up a friend to see if s/he would like to go. This is perfectly fine, as you will enjoy your company and still attend the event without being dubbed as the horrid single. One note of caution though: Once the news gets out that you and your date aren't romantically involved, expect pity and sympathy. You will now not only be labeled as a "single," but also as a pathetic one that can't get a date. I speak from experience on this, as its happened to me once, twice or 6 times before.
Next we come to the "friends with benefits" casual dating. This is the type of dating where two people are not in a committed relationship, but have physical relations and consider themselves friends. Since FWB is usually not monogamous, being safe is a priority. As long as you are protecting your priority, yourself, then there is absolutely nothing wrong with this scenario. Humans, including nuns and priests, have physical urges, and finding someone you know and trust to address these can really take a load off you. FWB will sometimes go on public dates, such as dinner, movies or something which only increases the fun! Now, not only are your physical needs addressed but also your social ones. With some people, FWB dating is the only way to be. One note of caution. Be on the lookout for those darn love-like feelings to develop. Once one of the people in the relationship develops feelings, the whole thing will fall apart, including the friendship. Jealous people do horribly in these relationships (which is why I never do them).
The last, and my personal favorite form of casual dating is the "Emphasis on CASUAL dating." In my opinion, this is the ideal relationship. You find a person you like, and likes you in return and casually date. You are committed to once another, and there is no sleeping around. This is the person that, when you want a date, accompanies you. In EOC dating, you aren't attached at the hip, but you're still true to your partner. You will not live together (but may occasionally spend the night with each other), or see each other every day, but that makes the dates you do spend together more special. From my viewing experience, the fire and romance lasts longer on this type of dating. Also, if one day you do decide you want to be "attached," this dating will smooth the evolution process of that.
Different people have different preferences, wants and needs though. Its important to find the type, and partner that will suit you best to these needs.
As it can clearly be seen, as a single I represent and stick up for my peers. Being a 20-something in America today, there is way too much to do and be offered instead of settling down so early. At this time in my life, I have no plans to sacrifice everything for a "ball and chain." Maybe someday that may change. Maybe someday someone will change my mind, but until then I'm enjoying living the single life and those who don't like it can kiss a chupacabra!
Beginning with Carrie being flashed by a friend's husband while visiting them on vacation, the girls have their usual convo over dinner in reference to the fact that the wife became angry with Carrie over her husband's indecency.
The girls start a topic that we all wonder about sometime in our life; is it better being single or married, and do married people have something against singles in general? Topics begin to fly faster than I can remember, but something the girls all agreed on was that once someone becomes married/attached, they seem to leave their single friends. Is it because they don't trust a single around their partner? Is it because they feel they are above a single?
The girls felt that a single in a group of marrieds was usually treated like a leper, or worse, a whore. Also why were couples always invited to events? Even if, as a single you're invited to an event, why are you expected to bring a date? These questions have haunted me for years, especially as someone who usually couldn't get a date, and in turn had to miss the events.
As a strong single man in a married/ couples' world, I have had to deal with this quite frequently. In societies across the world the norm is defined as meeting someone special, settling down and raising kids that probably can't be afforded.
In today's time, people who remain to be single are obviously freaks. Usually there is some excuse people make for the individuals that choose not to choose the norm. For example, one of the major excuses people make in a small town is that the terminally single person is secretly gay. Sometimes the people (especially the old people) say that the single is "not quite right in the head." The lame excuse of being overburdened in your career is sometimes even said in the small town.
In episode 3, Miranda is at her law firm's annual softball game that's full of co-workers and spouses. Miranda, who's single, realizes that she's not fitting in these events, but continues to attend for the exposure and hopes of a promotion. At the game Miranda's coworker decides to set her up on a blind date, who turns out to be a lesbian. Miranda, who is straight, automatically begins to get professional recognition, which in turns leads to her faking a date at the company dinner party with her lesbian friend.
This scene actually frightened me. Miranda, who I've always seen as strong, though a bit unstable, actually is desperate enough for the exposure to pretend to be something that was for so long forbidden in order to get what she wants! To see the lack of recognition as a single, versus much attention in a gay relationship, among a group of affluent republicans is shocking to say the least. I began to ponder this in relation to life. Here in Mexia, a fairly conservative and small town, the single would have out bounded the lesbian in that battle, or at least I expect since neither singles or homosexuals seem to be welcome around here. In the real world, however, (outside of Mexia or any small southern town) I could honestly see this actually happening! In the 21st century being gay is actually becoming a trend, I don't see any trend developing around singles. Could it be if I were to live in Dallas, Atlanta, Miami, Los Angeles or Manhattan, a married man, regardless of age, orientation, color or religion, be preferred over me? I can actually see this happening.
Single people are also majorly stereotyped. Singles have been defined as immature, party animals, whores and man-stealers, desperate wannabes and social failures. These people who do the stereotyping usually tend to forget that once they weren't always the respectable attached people they are now.
Personally I enjoy being single. I can barely take care of a dog, how am I supposed to take care of a significant other and, if hell were to freeze over, a kid? I have the personality of wanting to do what I want, when I want. I like to spend my hard earned, meager salary on myself. Of course, having someone to walk home with, keep the bed warm and have deep conversations with is nice, but can't that all be accomplished with casual dating? Surely that's better than being attached at the hip to someone.
Casual dating can be defined as many things. It can be done out of convenience, such as the events where a date is expected. This instance doesn't have to be romantic or sexual. It can be done with a friend. For example if the company banquet is next week, you don't have a date, call up a friend to see if s/he would like to go. This is perfectly fine, as you will enjoy your company and still attend the event without being dubbed as the horrid single. One note of caution though: Once the news gets out that you and your date aren't romantically involved, expect pity and sympathy. You will now not only be labeled as a "single," but also as a pathetic one that can't get a date. I speak from experience on this, as its happened to me once, twice or 6 times before.
Next we come to the "friends with benefits" casual dating. This is the type of dating where two people are not in a committed relationship, but have physical relations and consider themselves friends. Since FWB is usually not monogamous, being safe is a priority. As long as you are protecting your priority, yourself, then there is absolutely nothing wrong with this scenario. Humans, including nuns and priests, have physical urges, and finding someone you know and trust to address these can really take a load off you. FWB will sometimes go on public dates, such as dinner, movies or something which only increases the fun! Now, not only are your physical needs addressed but also your social ones. With some people, FWB dating is the only way to be. One note of caution. Be on the lookout for those darn love-like feelings to develop. Once one of the people in the relationship develops feelings, the whole thing will fall apart, including the friendship. Jealous people do horribly in these relationships (which is why I never do them).
The last, and my personal favorite form of casual dating is the "Emphasis on CASUAL dating." In my opinion, this is the ideal relationship. You find a person you like, and likes you in return and casually date. You are committed to once another, and there is no sleeping around. This is the person that, when you want a date, accompanies you. In EOC dating, you aren't attached at the hip, but you're still true to your partner. You will not live together (but may occasionally spend the night with each other), or see each other every day, but that makes the dates you do spend together more special. From my viewing experience, the fire and romance lasts longer on this type of dating. Also, if one day you do decide you want to be "attached," this dating will smooth the evolution process of that.
Different people have different preferences, wants and needs though. Its important to find the type, and partner that will suit you best to these needs.
As it can clearly be seen, as a single I represent and stick up for my peers. Being a 20-something in America today, there is way too much to do and be offered instead of settling down so early. At this time in my life, I have no plans to sacrifice everything for a "ball and chain." Maybe someday that may change. Maybe someday someone will change my mind, but until then I'm enjoying living the single life and those who don't like it can kiss a chupacabra!
Monday, February 8, 2010
Top 25 on iTunes
From iTunes, my top 25 played songs. This is from the whole existance of my iPod, so some songs are more played, just b/c they've been here longest. Curious to start tracking to see how my tastes change over time.
Poker Face- Lady GaGa: For awhile I couldn't get enough of this song. Its dark, sexy and awesome to dance to
Thinking of You- Katy Perry: One of my all time favorites. The lyrics stay locked in my mind.
Big Girls Don't Cry- Fergie: One of my all time favorites. I never grow tired of this song.
Fly On The Wall- Miley Cyrus: Fun track, full of attitude. I love to dance to this song.
Supermassive Black Hole-Muse: Something about the music, This song makes me feel bad-ass!
I Won't Say (I'm In Love)- Hercules Sndtrk- The lyrics make me feel good, and romantic
7 Things-Miley Cyrus: My most played song. There's nothing about this that I don't like. My theme.
Cooking By the Book-Lazytown: Fun, kids song.
If I were a Boy-BC Jean: Powerful and truthful. Her raspy voice pulls me in.
Paparrazi-Lady Gaga: This song makes me feel famous. I love the stalker message.
Love Story (Pop Mix)- Taylor Swift: I want this to be my love story.
We Danced Anyway- Deana Carter: This song makes me feel young, free and romantic
Mary Jane Shoes- Fergie: My bad-ass/chillout reggae song.
Turn Me On or Turn On Me- Vitamin C: An all time favorite, honest song.
So What- Pink: Im a rockstar, thats all there is to it!
Good Girl Gone Bad-Rihanna: Defines me
Midnight Train To Georgia- Gladys Knight: I love love love this song, and its awesome.
Just Like A Pill-Pink: My angry song. Always makes me vent my anger.
Please Don't Leave-Pink: Idk what it is about this song that made me fall in love w/ it.
Don't Trust Me-3OH!3: Do the Helen Keller and talk with your hips. Fun song!
Who knew-Pink: My favorite song by her. Its lyrics are sad, deep and true.
Johnny and June- Heidi Newfield: The best metaphoric love song ever written.
Party in the USA -Miley Cyrus: My new "fun" anthem.
Hello- Beyonce: Deep, true, devoted. I long to live this song.
Unbeautiful- Lesley Roy: Raw, emotional and painful. This song speaks volumes.
Poker Face- Lady GaGa: For awhile I couldn't get enough of this song. Its dark, sexy and awesome to dance to
Thinking of You- Katy Perry: One of my all time favorites. The lyrics stay locked in my mind.
Big Girls Don't Cry- Fergie: One of my all time favorites. I never grow tired of this song.
Fly On The Wall- Miley Cyrus: Fun track, full of attitude. I love to dance to this song.
Supermassive Black Hole-Muse: Something about the music, This song makes me feel bad-ass!
I Won't Say (I'm In Love)- Hercules Sndtrk- The lyrics make me feel good, and romantic
7 Things-Miley Cyrus: My most played song. There's nothing about this that I don't like. My theme.
Cooking By the Book-Lazytown: Fun, kids song.
If I were a Boy-BC Jean: Powerful and truthful. Her raspy voice pulls me in.
Paparrazi-Lady Gaga: This song makes me feel famous. I love the stalker message.
Love Story (Pop Mix)- Taylor Swift: I want this to be my love story.
We Danced Anyway- Deana Carter: This song makes me feel young, free and romantic
Mary Jane Shoes- Fergie: My bad-ass/chillout reggae song.
Turn Me On or Turn On Me- Vitamin C: An all time favorite, honest song.
So What- Pink: Im a rockstar, thats all there is to it!
Good Girl Gone Bad-Rihanna: Defines me
Midnight Train To Georgia- Gladys Knight: I love love love this song, and its awesome.
Just Like A Pill-Pink: My angry song. Always makes me vent my anger.
Please Don't Leave-Pink: Idk what it is about this song that made me fall in love w/ it.
Don't Trust Me-3OH!3: Do the Helen Keller and talk with your hips. Fun song!
Who knew-Pink: My favorite song by her. Its lyrics are sad, deep and true.
Johnny and June- Heidi Newfield: The best metaphoric love song ever written.
Party in the USA -Miley Cyrus: My new "fun" anthem.
Hello- Beyonce: Deep, true, devoted. I long to live this song.
Unbeautiful- Lesley Roy: Raw, emotional and painful. This song speaks volumes.
SITC - "Models and Mortals"
So as I advance into the world of Carrie Bradshaw and her group of 30-something, fabulous friends, episode 2 brings up a personal favorite topic, physical looks.
The episode begins with Miranda (my least favorite of the group) who is at a dinner party with a rather ordinary guy, who she later finds out is a "modelizer," a man who only dates models.
Over Chinese takeout on a Tuesday night, the girls devour this topic. As they all go over their physical flaws, compared to models, I am immediately drawn, as usual, to Samantha, who remains mum over the personal flaws conversation. When the girls confront her about this, Samantha gives the perfect answer by informing them that she loves every part of her body. While some may view Samantha as being vain, I am drawn to her confidence in her looks and attitude, something that we all know I need to improve on. In Samantha's eyes, Samantha is perfect. While the other girls complain about their bodies, Samantha gives them that "don't give a damn" attitude that I admire and covet.
Researching modelizers for her weekly column, Carrie attends a fashion show with her very stereotypically gay friend, Stanford and Samantha. While viewing the show, Samantha meets Carrie's friend Barkley, who secretly videotapes his sexual conquests, and when Samantha discovers this, she seduces him just for the chance to be on film. Stanford is also in lust with his young underwear model, Derek, who's sexuality is at the moment unknown, but he's believed to be straight.
Following the show, the group heads to an after party where Samantha goes home with Barkley and Derek, surprisingly goes home with Carrie, though they only talk and don't have sex. Miranda meets up unexpectedly with Skipper and he convinces her that she's beautiful which convinces her to allow him to go home with her where its assumed they sleep together.
The episode ends with Samantha in bed with Barkley and she asks him where the camera is. He replies to her that its not on, and that he only tapes models. Rather than being insulted, Samantha tells him to videotape them and he says he can make an exception as he turns the camera on.
My first though was "What the hell!" Had I been in Samantha's place, when he said he only taped models, my first instinct would have been to feel ugly and flee the bedroom!
That makes me wonder, how important are looks? Do we all have to look like models to get laid? If we do, what's gonna happen to the other 90% of the population who aren't starving, with flawless skin and perfect hair? I pondered this for awhile after the episode and came to the following conclusion.
Every person has, in their mind, the ideal mate. Whether they're short, tall, fat, thin, bald, hairy, big breasted or not, someone out there somewhere in the world would probably think they're the most beautiful person on earth. Based on my own experience, looks aren't at all important to me, though there are some qualities that I find extremely attractive. If I had to wake up to a stereotypical model everyday, I would go crazy! If my lover was on the cover of magazines, I would feel so self conscious that I would never remove my clothes, I would always wear heavy coats and hide in dark hallways. We won't go into the qualities that I like, but to summarize, I want someone who is proportionate to me, that I don't feel insufficient to.
With billions of people in the world, it can be hard finding someone who thinks you're ideal, versus someone who thinks you'll "do in a pinch." This is especially true in a town of only 6000 people. I believe learning this goes into the previous post about being free and taking the opportunities to pursue and find that person, without settling and developing unnecessary attachments. Who cares if that person doesn't find you're looks ideal. If you've made it far enough to get to the bedroom, obviously you aren't that hideous that you aren't considered worth it. Take the promiscuous approach, treat it as a learning experience and realize that it doesn't matter what the other person thinks. Treat it like Samantha Jones. If he doesn't think you're model material, treat yourself like you're model material. You're giving him a privilege, the privilege of being with you.
It's gonna take some personal practice for me to do this, to practice what I preach, but as a 20-something in today's world, that makes it a fun part of the game.
The episode begins with Miranda (my least favorite of the group) who is at a dinner party with a rather ordinary guy, who she later finds out is a "modelizer," a man who only dates models.
Over Chinese takeout on a Tuesday night, the girls devour this topic. As they all go over their physical flaws, compared to models, I am immediately drawn, as usual, to Samantha, who remains mum over the personal flaws conversation. When the girls confront her about this, Samantha gives the perfect answer by informing them that she loves every part of her body. While some may view Samantha as being vain, I am drawn to her confidence in her looks and attitude, something that we all know I need to improve on. In Samantha's eyes, Samantha is perfect. While the other girls complain about their bodies, Samantha gives them that "don't give a damn" attitude that I admire and covet.
Researching modelizers for her weekly column, Carrie attends a fashion show with her very stereotypically gay friend, Stanford and Samantha. While viewing the show, Samantha meets Carrie's friend Barkley, who secretly videotapes his sexual conquests, and when Samantha discovers this, she seduces him just for the chance to be on film. Stanford is also in lust with his young underwear model, Derek, who's sexuality is at the moment unknown, but he's believed to be straight.
Following the show, the group heads to an after party where Samantha goes home with Barkley and Derek, surprisingly goes home with Carrie, though they only talk and don't have sex. Miranda meets up unexpectedly with Skipper and he convinces her that she's beautiful which convinces her to allow him to go home with her where its assumed they sleep together.
The episode ends with Samantha in bed with Barkley and she asks him where the camera is. He replies to her that its not on, and that he only tapes models. Rather than being insulted, Samantha tells him to videotape them and he says he can make an exception as he turns the camera on.
My first though was "What the hell!" Had I been in Samantha's place, when he said he only taped models, my first instinct would have been to feel ugly and flee the bedroom!
That makes me wonder, how important are looks? Do we all have to look like models to get laid? If we do, what's gonna happen to the other 90% of the population who aren't starving, with flawless skin and perfect hair? I pondered this for awhile after the episode and came to the following conclusion.
Every person has, in their mind, the ideal mate. Whether they're short, tall, fat, thin, bald, hairy, big breasted or not, someone out there somewhere in the world would probably think they're the most beautiful person on earth. Based on my own experience, looks aren't at all important to me, though there are some qualities that I find extremely attractive. If I had to wake up to a stereotypical model everyday, I would go crazy! If my lover was on the cover of magazines, I would feel so self conscious that I would never remove my clothes, I would always wear heavy coats and hide in dark hallways. We won't go into the qualities that I like, but to summarize, I want someone who is proportionate to me, that I don't feel insufficient to.
With billions of people in the world, it can be hard finding someone who thinks you're ideal, versus someone who thinks you'll "do in a pinch." This is especially true in a town of only 6000 people. I believe learning this goes into the previous post about being free and taking the opportunities to pursue and find that person, without settling and developing unnecessary attachments. Who cares if that person doesn't find you're looks ideal. If you've made it far enough to get to the bedroom, obviously you aren't that hideous that you aren't considered worth it. Take the promiscuous approach, treat it as a learning experience and realize that it doesn't matter what the other person thinks. Treat it like Samantha Jones. If he doesn't think you're model material, treat yourself like you're model material. You're giving him a privilege, the privilege of being with you.
It's gonna take some personal practice for me to do this, to practice what I preach, but as a 20-something in today's world, that makes it a fun part of the game.
Sex in the City, the first episode
So a few weeks ago I decided that I wanted to watch the entire series of the HBO sitcom "Sex in the City." Those of you that know me know that I cannot "get into" a television series without being able to watch it in sequential order to know what's going on, so I finally went to Hastings yesterday and bought the season one dvd set. Over the years I've heard that this was a remarkable show and besides the humor, there are several scenarios that can be related to by young singles in the real world. Hopefully watching the series, and blogging about it will lead me to discover things about myself as well as the happenings in the real world.
The first episode begins with a "story" of a young girl, transplanted to New York from London who falls in loose love with a gentleman and then has her heart broken. She's being interviewed by Carrie Bradshaw (Jessica Parker) who then introduces us to her diverse, yet fabulous group of friends, Miranda, Charlotte and Samantha Jones. I feel an immediate connection with Charlotte, and fall immediately in love with Samantha. The four women, who are obviously totally different in looks and personality, have an unseen electric connection that binds them, and the actresses play their parts very well. Over Miranda's birthday party, the girls finally get into a good conversation, having sex "like men."
My first thought was "are they men bashers?" I am a supporter for feminism, but I don't like when any group is categorized about being all the same. But back to the conversation. The girls vow to begin having promiscuous sex without the attachment, the way that they feel men do. Charlotte immediately shows resistance, which leads me to believe that she may be a bit conservative regarding her sexuality, and may even be considered a "romantic." Again this signifies my connection with her. While I am definitely not prudish in the least, I do have a bit of a romantic streak, with contradicts the need for "no attachment." Samantha Jones, who is a very confident woman, decides that there is no problem with the idea, which also sparks a bit of envy in me that she can be so loose and comfortable with herself.
So to summarize the episode, Carrie has a fling with an ex lover, and successfully pulls it off w/o attachment. Miranda goes on a date with Carrie's friend Skipper who is an obvious nerd, and Charlotte goes on a date with a man that she decides not to sleep with, so he goes to a club and ends up taking Samantha home. We are introduced to "Mr. Big," who has an attraction to Carrie, and though I don't care for his character, he does say something of interest. While Carrie is explaining her job and the week's topic to Mr. Big, he contradicts her and tells her that not all men are able to sleep with someone without attachment. When she asks him why, he counter questions her asking her if she's ever been in love. After dropping her off at her apartment, Carrie asks him if he's ever been in love, to which he replies, "abso-fucking-lutely." Then the episode ends.
Could that be the key? Could being in love once in life be a definition to being able to be loose and free from the need of attachment? Or is it just in a person's emotional make up? Is it related to the way a person was raised? I was raised in a traditional lifestyle where the norm is to date someone, settle down and get into a life "rut" of marriage, kids and a job you hate, but so were hundreds of others I know, some who can go out to be promiscuous, and some who marry the first person they sleep with and settle down before they can legally consume alcohol.
Personally I hate that idea. I have the same mindset as Samantha Jones, and believe that life is meant to be abundant, sex fun, and in the end the only person that matters is yourself. I also have nowhere near the self confidence needed to live that lifestyle. As much as I like, yet pity her, I can also relate to Charlotte, not jumping straight into bed with one of the city's most unattainable bachelors because she doesn't want to be just another notch in the bedpost. Maybe she feels that she's just being used? Maybe Charlotte doesn't have the self confidence needed to "do it for herself."
We also must consider the idea of reputation. Being from a small town, a person's reputation can make or break them. Population is the variable in what I call the "slut factor." In a small town, a person who gets around sexually automatically gets labeled as a "slut" or "whore." In a large city, it doesn't matter as much, since there are more people and the chances of gossip and rumors getting to potential employers, landlords and people that have known you since you were a child are much less. I also feel that self confidence has a large part in this because no-one wants to be labeled as a whore, but people like Samantha Jones know they're fabulous and obviously don't care what people around them think. After all, in Samantha's eyes, Samantha is most important, which is something I totally believe in, but again don't have the confidence to follow through with.
Its obvious that in my research I pursue different scenarios and variables that define the ability for promiscuous, un-attached hook ups with randoms. Being in love once in my life, I will take that into consideration, and also since my history of "hook ups," which there honestly haven't been many, have been mostly via alcohol usage I will need to enlarge the scale and begin taking notes.
This doesn't mean I'm going to turn into a major slut lol. I plan to get out more, interview a variety of people and compile results as any competent researcher does, though participating in some research myself is not totally out of the question.
Above all, I'm a young adult, I'm semi-attractive, smart enough, and driven enough to learn as much as I can in this lifetime regarding whatever topics I want. This is my only life as Chase Simmons, and I plan to learn as much as I can about Chase Simmons and help make him as successful as possible. Whether this effects my reputation positively, negatively or whatever, I plan on being like Samantha Jones, in charge of my own life and loving myself more than anything.
The first episode begins with a "story" of a young girl, transplanted to New York from London who falls in loose love with a gentleman and then has her heart broken. She's being interviewed by Carrie Bradshaw (Jessica Parker) who then introduces us to her diverse, yet fabulous group of friends, Miranda, Charlotte and Samantha Jones. I feel an immediate connection with Charlotte, and fall immediately in love with Samantha. The four women, who are obviously totally different in looks and personality, have an unseen electric connection that binds them, and the actresses play their parts very well. Over Miranda's birthday party, the girls finally get into a good conversation, having sex "like men."
My first thought was "are they men bashers?" I am a supporter for feminism, but I don't like when any group is categorized about being all the same. But back to the conversation. The girls vow to begin having promiscuous sex without the attachment, the way that they feel men do. Charlotte immediately shows resistance, which leads me to believe that she may be a bit conservative regarding her sexuality, and may even be considered a "romantic." Again this signifies my connection with her. While I am definitely not prudish in the least, I do have a bit of a romantic streak, with contradicts the need for "no attachment." Samantha Jones, who is a very confident woman, decides that there is no problem with the idea, which also sparks a bit of envy in me that she can be so loose and comfortable with herself.
So to summarize the episode, Carrie has a fling with an ex lover, and successfully pulls it off w/o attachment. Miranda goes on a date with Carrie's friend Skipper who is an obvious nerd, and Charlotte goes on a date with a man that she decides not to sleep with, so he goes to a club and ends up taking Samantha home. We are introduced to "Mr. Big," who has an attraction to Carrie, and though I don't care for his character, he does say something of interest. While Carrie is explaining her job and the week's topic to Mr. Big, he contradicts her and tells her that not all men are able to sleep with someone without attachment. When she asks him why, he counter questions her asking her if she's ever been in love. After dropping her off at her apartment, Carrie asks him if he's ever been in love, to which he replies, "abso-fucking-lutely." Then the episode ends.
Could that be the key? Could being in love once in life be a definition to being able to be loose and free from the need of attachment? Or is it just in a person's emotional make up? Is it related to the way a person was raised? I was raised in a traditional lifestyle where the norm is to date someone, settle down and get into a life "rut" of marriage, kids and a job you hate, but so were hundreds of others I know, some who can go out to be promiscuous, and some who marry the first person they sleep with and settle down before they can legally consume alcohol.
Personally I hate that idea. I have the same mindset as Samantha Jones, and believe that life is meant to be abundant, sex fun, and in the end the only person that matters is yourself. I also have nowhere near the self confidence needed to live that lifestyle. As much as I like, yet pity her, I can also relate to Charlotte, not jumping straight into bed with one of the city's most unattainable bachelors because she doesn't want to be just another notch in the bedpost. Maybe she feels that she's just being used? Maybe Charlotte doesn't have the self confidence needed to "do it for herself."
We also must consider the idea of reputation. Being from a small town, a person's reputation can make or break them. Population is the variable in what I call the "slut factor." In a small town, a person who gets around sexually automatically gets labeled as a "slut" or "whore." In a large city, it doesn't matter as much, since there are more people and the chances of gossip and rumors getting to potential employers, landlords and people that have known you since you were a child are much less. I also feel that self confidence has a large part in this because no-one wants to be labeled as a whore, but people like Samantha Jones know they're fabulous and obviously don't care what people around them think. After all, in Samantha's eyes, Samantha is most important, which is something I totally believe in, but again don't have the confidence to follow through with.
Its obvious that in my research I pursue different scenarios and variables that define the ability for promiscuous, un-attached hook ups with randoms. Being in love once in my life, I will take that into consideration, and also since my history of "hook ups," which there honestly haven't been many, have been mostly via alcohol usage I will need to enlarge the scale and begin taking notes.
This doesn't mean I'm going to turn into a major slut lol. I plan to get out more, interview a variety of people and compile results as any competent researcher does, though participating in some research myself is not totally out of the question.
Above all, I'm a young adult, I'm semi-attractive, smart enough, and driven enough to learn as much as I can in this lifetime regarding whatever topics I want. This is my only life as Chase Simmons, and I plan to learn as much as I can about Chase Simmons and help make him as successful as possible. Whether this effects my reputation positively, negatively or whatever, I plan on being like Samantha Jones, in charge of my own life and loving myself more than anything.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Rockin it to Disney
So I'm here this afternoon, not partaking in all of the Superbowl junk thats going on today. I had some quiet leisure time, so of course I decided to browse through the thousands of songs on my iTunes to think and develop some ideas for something.
As I jammed, I found myself coming back to the disney soundtracks from the movies from my childhood. The Disney movies from that time period absolutely rocked. I listened to the lyrics that I loved as a child, but never quite understood the depth of them that I can in my adulthood.
I browsed songs from Aladdin, Little Mermaid, Sleeping Beauty and tons of other great ones. I began to listen, and said "Hey, I can relate to this." The powerful intent of the heroes and heroins from the movies filled my soul, and suddenly I understood where they were coming from...
A street rat in Arabia, who has to steal and outsmart to survive. Or the weird half fish/half woman creature that dreams to go to a place that's forbidden by her overprotective father and where the love of her life lives (plus she'd dry out and die.) What about the teenage slave to her evil, chainsmoking step-mother, and hags of step-sisters? Then there's the young, semi-cute princess, who's all alone and wants someone to love so bad that she begins to have hallucinations about him and claims she sees him in her dreams. Its all so fantastic!
Anyways, I can relate to these fictional, weird people. Mexia might as well be under the sea. The State pays so low that you must fight to survive. There's a major babe drought here, and you if you do meet someone, you may feel like a beauty, and feel that they look like a beast...
So, these songs are awesome. I think these days people forget to listen to lyrics and what they say. Since I've began to consider myself a mini-celeb (to boost self esteem) I am constantly looking for new songs to be "theme songs" or at least part of the soundtrack of my life.
Disney reminds me to follow my dreams, that anything is possible, including hideous dragons and apples that will make you sleep forever. Disney reminds me that I can grow my hair long enough to send it out the window and even the fact that someday, I may find someone to take a 21st century version of a magic carpet ride and go anywhere and not care about anything thats not of interest to me.
In closing, I want everyone to remember these lessons that Disney songs teach us. Though the times change, people change and technology changes, the structure of human nature and emotions doesn't really change. Anything is still possible and if you suppress the things you want long enough, some evil woman will make you scrub her floors, a wicked witch will give you a poison apple, or worse, an evil sea witch/octopus may try to steal your lover from you. Get out there and do it and forget all about the evil ones.
As I jammed, I found myself coming back to the disney soundtracks from the movies from my childhood. The Disney movies from that time period absolutely rocked. I listened to the lyrics that I loved as a child, but never quite understood the depth of them that I can in my adulthood.
I browsed songs from Aladdin, Little Mermaid, Sleeping Beauty and tons of other great ones. I began to listen, and said "Hey, I can relate to this." The powerful intent of the heroes and heroins from the movies filled my soul, and suddenly I understood where they were coming from...
A street rat in Arabia, who has to steal and outsmart to survive. Or the weird half fish/half woman creature that dreams to go to a place that's forbidden by her overprotective father and where the love of her life lives (plus she'd dry out and die.) What about the teenage slave to her evil, chainsmoking step-mother, and hags of step-sisters? Then there's the young, semi-cute princess, who's all alone and wants someone to love so bad that she begins to have hallucinations about him and claims she sees him in her dreams. Its all so fantastic!
Anyways, I can relate to these fictional, weird people. Mexia might as well be under the sea. The State pays so low that you must fight to survive. There's a major babe drought here, and you if you do meet someone, you may feel like a beauty, and feel that they look like a beast...
So, these songs are awesome. I think these days people forget to listen to lyrics and what they say. Since I've began to consider myself a mini-celeb (to boost self esteem) I am constantly looking for new songs to be "theme songs" or at least part of the soundtrack of my life.
Disney reminds me to follow my dreams, that anything is possible, including hideous dragons and apples that will make you sleep forever. Disney reminds me that I can grow my hair long enough to send it out the window and even the fact that someday, I may find someone to take a 21st century version of a magic carpet ride and go anywhere and not care about anything thats not of interest to me.
In closing, I want everyone to remember these lessons that Disney songs teach us. Though the times change, people change and technology changes, the structure of human nature and emotions doesn't really change. Anything is still possible and if you suppress the things you want long enough, some evil woman will make you scrub her floors, a wicked witch will give you a poison apple, or worse, an evil sea witch/octopus may try to steal your lover from you. Get out there and do it and forget all about the evil ones.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Work out
For my last birthday, friend (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me. Although I am still in great shape since being a high school atheltic star, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try. After all I didnt want to hurt his feelings. I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear. My friend seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.
MONDAY:Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She is something of a Greek goddess - with blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!! Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring! Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!
TUESDAY:I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air - then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT!! It's a whole new life for me.
WEDNESDAY:The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot. Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my whines bothered other club members. Her voice is a little too perky for early in the morning; and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair 'monster'. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by escalators? Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other shit too.
THURSDAY:Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late, because it took me that long to tie my shoes. Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. She sent another skinny bitch to find me. Then, as punishment, she put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank!
FRIDAY:I hate that bitch Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic little cheerleader. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it. Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the damn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?
SATURDAY:Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.
SUNDAY:I had the Church van pick me up for services today so I could go and thank GOD that the week is over. I will also pray that next year my friend (the little shit) will choose a gift for me that is fun -- like a root canal. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!
MONDAY:Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She is something of a Greek goddess - with blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!! Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring! Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!
TUESDAY:I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air - then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT!! It's a whole new life for me.
WEDNESDAY:The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot. Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my whines bothered other club members. Her voice is a little too perky for early in the morning; and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair 'monster'. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by escalators? Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other shit too.
THURSDAY:Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late, because it took me that long to tie my shoes. Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. She sent another skinny bitch to find me. Then, as punishment, she put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank!
FRIDAY:I hate that bitch Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic little cheerleader. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it. Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the damn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?
SATURDAY:Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.
SUNDAY:I had the Church van pick me up for services today so I could go and thank GOD that the week is over. I will also pray that next year my friend (the little shit) will choose a gift for me that is fun -- like a root canal. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!
Little Bunny Foo Foo (True Version)
Ok. The true story:
Lil bunny foo foo was hoppin through the forest.As he was hoppin, he was scooping up field mice and boppin them on the head.
(First I wanna know what field mice are doing in the forest. Shouldnt they be in a field somewhere? I think the story means forest mice, but I guess field sounds better.)
All of a sudden this witch flies down from the sky...
Now I guess she is weird, b/c this heifer can somehow talk to rabbits, which have like an IQ of .5.
Well anyways, the witch, or faery, whatever she is, anyways this bitch tell's little bunny foo foo:
"Look Bitch!" I am sick and tired of you picking up these mice, and bopping them on the head. I'm a nice old witch, so I guess Ill give you a few more chances, but remember: those little bastards are on the endangered species list, and if I catch you and your little foo foo ass bopping them again, I am going to skin you alive, wear your coat as a scarf and then me and the little field mice that are left, we are gonna eat your carcass for supper. Got it?
Let's just say, foo foo didn't bop anymore field/forest mice...
Lil bunny foo foo was hoppin through the forest.As he was hoppin, he was scooping up field mice and boppin them on the head.
(First I wanna know what field mice are doing in the forest. Shouldnt they be in a field somewhere? I think the story means forest mice, but I guess field sounds better.)
All of a sudden this witch flies down from the sky...
Now I guess she is weird, b/c this heifer can somehow talk to rabbits, which have like an IQ of .5.
Well anyways, the witch, or faery, whatever she is, anyways this bitch tell's little bunny foo foo:
"Look Bitch!" I am sick and tired of you picking up these mice, and bopping them on the head. I'm a nice old witch, so I guess Ill give you a few more chances, but remember: those little bastards are on the endangered species list, and if I catch you and your little foo foo ass bopping them again, I am going to skin you alive, wear your coat as a scarf and then me and the little field mice that are left, we are gonna eat your carcass for supper. Got it?
Let's just say, foo foo didn't bop anymore field/forest mice...
Religion Rant October of 08
Short and simple rant. Don't take anything personal.
I do not know why overly religious people attempt to shove their beliefs down my throat. I understand that there is a such thing as witnessing, but there is an invisible line there that can be crossed from witnessing to harassment.
Nobody but God has the authority to determing what my fate will be based on my actions.
I have a God, he created me, and he understands me. He created you, human, and really you have no buisness trying to understand me, and unless you have walked my life in my shoes, you haven't a clue ok?This is just something I want to blog about, nothing serious happened to spur my writing. Just FYI
And what about the feelings of responsibility? In the book Divine Secrets of YaYa sisterhood. There is a quote that I still remember. A nun told a strong heroine, Genevieve Whitman, that "I am responsible for saving these girls' souls." Genevieve replied by saying, "You'll be lucky if you can save your own!" My thoughts exactly, make sure you are taken care of before you put your worry and strength into me. I promise I will rebel everytime. It's a Scorpio/Redhead thing lol.
I love it! lol. Until your perfect, please don't judge me. I try my hardest to be a classy, tactful gentleman, but we know it doesn't always work out that way. Deal with it!
I am a strong believer of the scale system. I follow it every day, and my God understands that. As long as I'm doing more good than bad, I'm in good shape. I never want the bad side of the scale to outweigh the good. These are my opinions and I stick to them. I don't try to convince everyone of my beliefs, but I do not mind having sharing my opinions. Again, no-one is perfect, we all "sin" and we were all created the way we are by God. Everyone has a "cross" to bear, and you should worroy about your own, unless of course someone asks for help.
I promise it will work out correctly. I have total faith in MY God! When I say MY God, I mean the God I believe in, not the God that "so called" christians are bragging about how mean and unlovable he is if you do wrong. I cannot see how God created one of his children, and set them up to fail horribly or else have a miserable life. I was put here to be happy, and live my human life to the fullest and do as much good as I can while Im here. My God created me just the way I am, and he knows what I face from day to day, and he knows every thought/feeling I have.
I'm not angry or anything, just doped up on Benedryl, but it sounded like a good rant. Comment to let me know what you think. If you disagree, I would like to hear it, and if you agree I would like to hear it. I'm always open to opinions and theories, as long as they aren't forced on me.
xoxo I heart you all!
I do not know why overly religious people attempt to shove their beliefs down my throat. I understand that there is a such thing as witnessing, but there is an invisible line there that can be crossed from witnessing to harassment.
Nobody but God has the authority to determing what my fate will be based on my actions.
I have a God, he created me, and he understands me. He created you, human, and really you have no buisness trying to understand me, and unless you have walked my life in my shoes, you haven't a clue ok?This is just something I want to blog about, nothing serious happened to spur my writing. Just FYI
And what about the feelings of responsibility? In the book Divine Secrets of YaYa sisterhood. There is a quote that I still remember. A nun told a strong heroine, Genevieve Whitman, that "I am responsible for saving these girls' souls." Genevieve replied by saying, "You'll be lucky if you can save your own!" My thoughts exactly, make sure you are taken care of before you put your worry and strength into me. I promise I will rebel everytime. It's a Scorpio/Redhead thing lol.
I love it! lol. Until your perfect, please don't judge me. I try my hardest to be a classy, tactful gentleman, but we know it doesn't always work out that way. Deal with it!
I am a strong believer of the scale system. I follow it every day, and my God understands that. As long as I'm doing more good than bad, I'm in good shape. I never want the bad side of the scale to outweigh the good. These are my opinions and I stick to them. I don't try to convince everyone of my beliefs, but I do not mind having sharing my opinions. Again, no-one is perfect, we all "sin" and we were all created the way we are by God. Everyone has a "cross" to bear, and you should worroy about your own, unless of course someone asks for help.
I promise it will work out correctly. I have total faith in MY God! When I say MY God, I mean the God I believe in, not the God that "so called" christians are bragging about how mean and unlovable he is if you do wrong. I cannot see how God created one of his children, and set them up to fail horribly or else have a miserable life. I was put here to be happy, and live my human life to the fullest and do as much good as I can while Im here. My God created me just the way I am, and he knows what I face from day to day, and he knows every thought/feeling I have.
I'm not angry or anything, just doped up on Benedryl, but it sounded like a good rant. Comment to let me know what you think. If you disagree, I would like to hear it, and if you agree I would like to hear it. I'm always open to opinions and theories, as long as they aren't forced on me.
xoxo I heart you all!
November 08 Animal Rights Activists
So. I was doing research on dogs in labor, to prepare for my upcoming litter. I stumbled on the Yahoo! Answers website and was reading some of the user questions and replies from other users.
These animal rights activists or ARAs are CRAZY! Very seldom did these people answer a question. Usually their replies consisted of condemning the asker to hell because he/she did something that they saw unfitting, or asked a question that they wanted to gain information on, and were criticized for something. Another thing all these idiots did were to tell everyone to go out to a pound to adopt a loving dog instead of buying one from someone because people that bred dogs were as bad a satan himself, contributing to the homeless animal numbers in America. Sheesh! The people said NEVER buy a dog from a petstore or "puppy mill" because these dogs are treated badly and they arent a good choice for owners...
I had to do it. I had to piss them off! I asked a simple question about why dogs from the pounds are better than buying a puppy from a pet store... I asked that even though the people involved in the pet business may not be the best, do the puppies have to suffer? If they aren't bought, they are usually dumped out on the side of a road to starve to death, or else taken to... you guessed it... to the pound! Therefore when you "save a life" at the pound, to get that "great" dog these ARAs are recommending, aren't you getting the same dog that they told you not to get because of breeding problems and unfit pets? Duh dumbasses!
So I asked that question on there, and I got a few replies. Most of them were stupid excuses about how they don't want the breeder benefitting from the purchase... I then asked, "So you are an ARA, but you could care less about the life of the animal, you just want the people to suffer. I thought the priority of an ARA was to support ANIMALS and assure that they were safe? Sounds kind of odd to me."
So then I actually asked my question about expectant chiapoos and asked for advice. I never got any advice, people just told me I was the devil for supporting and breeding mixed breeds. If I was going to breed, I should do it right. I should have never bought dogs when there were dogs at the pound, blah blah blah the fuck blah! So now I'm thinking... "My kids are animals, but these people don't support them, because of what they are. Don't they need love too? It appears that these rights activists only support it when it benefits them? Such fucking hyppocrits! I hate when people talk bad about my kids and don't even know them... Its a parent thing, and then to call me an unfit parent? I was in fumes, so I sent some provate messages that were too explicit to post on here.
I also wonder why they are so angry and violent? Like the instance of Lindsay Lohan and the Olsen Twins... WTF? Violence does not solve anything, and I dare them to throw flour or dump blood on me if I wear animal fur. I may go to jail, but they will visit the hospital! But seriously, wouldn't that be considered a hate crime or something? People get arrested for it, but never do you see an ARA get arrested. Also, why do they choose violence? Wouldn't it be better to provide education versus violence? Campaign instead of protest. I mean there are worse people out there hurting animals besides Lindsay Lohan and the Olsen Twins. I mean these people dressed up and called them the "Trollsens." How hateful is that? I just hate how they play dirty, and I hope karma kicks their asses.
Oh and I saw the cutest Polo jacket today in the B/CS mall. It was a "puffy" jacket with animal fur (faux) around the lining of the hood, and it was 50% off, so only 49 bucks! I should have grabbed one, but I have to shop for others before I shop for myself, since I am still on state income. Besides I want that $600 coat at the Men's Warehouse, I think it was Calvin... anyways, it was hot, and it matched everything else in the store, so I think I'm just going to doo all my shopping there from now on lol. Anyways, to the point: I think I'm going to buy some garment with fur, and go to the PETA headquarters just to express my freedom of choice or something. I swear, I let these idiots piss me off more than I should have! Anyways, if you have any comments/concerns, let me know. I always love learning, or being a master debator! lol
xoxo
These animal rights activists or ARAs are CRAZY! Very seldom did these people answer a question. Usually their replies consisted of condemning the asker to hell because he/she did something that they saw unfitting, or asked a question that they wanted to gain information on, and were criticized for something. Another thing all these idiots did were to tell everyone to go out to a pound to adopt a loving dog instead of buying one from someone because people that bred dogs were as bad a satan himself, contributing to the homeless animal numbers in America. Sheesh! The people said NEVER buy a dog from a petstore or "puppy mill" because these dogs are treated badly and they arent a good choice for owners...
I had to do it. I had to piss them off! I asked a simple question about why dogs from the pounds are better than buying a puppy from a pet store... I asked that even though the people involved in the pet business may not be the best, do the puppies have to suffer? If they aren't bought, they are usually dumped out on the side of a road to starve to death, or else taken to... you guessed it... to the pound! Therefore when you "save a life" at the pound, to get that "great" dog these ARAs are recommending, aren't you getting the same dog that they told you not to get because of breeding problems and unfit pets? Duh dumbasses!
So I asked that question on there, and I got a few replies. Most of them were stupid excuses about how they don't want the breeder benefitting from the purchase... I then asked, "So you are an ARA, but you could care less about the life of the animal, you just want the people to suffer. I thought the priority of an ARA was to support ANIMALS and assure that they were safe? Sounds kind of odd to me."
So then I actually asked my question about expectant chiapoos and asked for advice. I never got any advice, people just told me I was the devil for supporting and breeding mixed breeds. If I was going to breed, I should do it right. I should have never bought dogs when there were dogs at the pound, blah blah blah the fuck blah! So now I'm thinking... "My kids are animals, but these people don't support them, because of what they are. Don't they need love too? It appears that these rights activists only support it when it benefits them? Such fucking hyppocrits! I hate when people talk bad about my kids and don't even know them... Its a parent thing, and then to call me an unfit parent? I was in fumes, so I sent some provate messages that were too explicit to post on here.
I also wonder why they are so angry and violent? Like the instance of Lindsay Lohan and the Olsen Twins... WTF? Violence does not solve anything, and I dare them to throw flour or dump blood on me if I wear animal fur. I may go to jail, but they will visit the hospital! But seriously, wouldn't that be considered a hate crime or something? People get arrested for it, but never do you see an ARA get arrested. Also, why do they choose violence? Wouldn't it be better to provide education versus violence? Campaign instead of protest. I mean there are worse people out there hurting animals besides Lindsay Lohan and the Olsen Twins. I mean these people dressed up and called them the "Trollsens." How hateful is that? I just hate how they play dirty, and I hope karma kicks their asses.
Oh and I saw the cutest Polo jacket today in the B/CS mall. It was a "puffy" jacket with animal fur (faux) around the lining of the hood, and it was 50% off, so only 49 bucks! I should have grabbed one, but I have to shop for others before I shop for myself, since I am still on state income. Besides I want that $600 coat at the Men's Warehouse, I think it was Calvin... anyways, it was hot, and it matched everything else in the store, so I think I'm just going to doo all my shopping there from now on lol. Anyways, to the point: I think I'm going to buy some garment with fur, and go to the PETA headquarters just to express my freedom of choice or something. I swear, I let these idiots piss me off more than I should have! Anyways, if you have any comments/concerns, let me know. I always love learning, or being a master debator! lol
xoxo
Shopping Delimma- November 08
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Shopping Dilemma Current mood: bummed Category: Fashion, Style, Shopping
"No matter what I do, all I think about is you, even with I'm with my boo, you know I'm crazy over you" Haha. The word dilemma made me think of the old school Nelly/Kelly song!
The weirdest thing has happened to me. I actually somewhat enjoy clothes shopping for myself, especially nice, trendy clothing articles that make me look good. I used to hate to shop, and wore a solid polo shirt and khakis every day. Now I find myself expressing myself more through clothes, which I thought would never happen, and enjoy getting compliments on them. I still hate spending hours looking at things and so forth, but since I've discovered I look good in earth tones, blues and whites, I enjoy finding "fun" things to wear, that I actually look good in.
So. This story starts a few weeks ago, when one of the smartest, fashionable people in the world, HLM Jay-R, posted a blog about his christmas/birthday wish list. On this list, Mr. M. posted a photo of the greatest jacket in the world. It's a mens bubble jacket with a hood with faux fur on it! I fell in love immediately and though I remain thrifty, I lusted after that jacket, and pictured myself looking young and sexy in it, even though I rarely wear jackets since I'm so hot natured, but that's beside the point.
So last wednesday, as many of you know, I had to go to College Station to take my state exit exam, and after the completion of the passed exam, I was feeling good and wanted to walk around the mall to do some xmas shopping.
Well I went in one of the stores, either Bealls or Dillards, and low and behold, there was the gorgeous bubble jacket. Now here's where I show my true colors as an idiot. I was talking to Melanie on the phone, and looked at the Polo jacket, which was 50% off, only $50! I urged myself to walk by, since I needed to spend my meager state salary on gifts for others, instead of myself. I left the store, but still thought about the gorgeous jacket.
So fast forward to today. I woke up and was freezing!!! I had to go to Mexia to go Wal-Marting, and as I left WalMart, I became cold and depressed, and new the exact comfort item I needed. I spontaneously drove to Waco, and decided that I would find me a furred hooded bubble jacket and buy it for myself, because I deserved it! So I started out in Kolls. There was a fantastic sale going on, and I searched everywhere for the hidden jacket, but my expenditure of energy was useless. I scoured that store but to no avail, could not find a jacket. I didnt end up empty handed though, I found some nice jeans and a few shirts that I grabbed, but no jacket. I also saw some great trendy clothes that I wanted, but decided to be a little thrifty and passed them by. (I really want to go back and get the scholarly sweater though.) Next I tried the Belk. That attempt was fruitless also. Ross is next to Belk, so I went in and looked and FOUND a jacket. However, the jacket was white-out white and overstuffed. I rarely buy Ross clothes since there is usually some kind of defect, but I tried on the jacket. It was way too gangsta for me, and I looked like a marshmallow in it. Besides the fur was ugly. I left Ross empty handed.
After that I tried the Richland Mall. I looked everywhere but could not find one. To make matters worse, it seems like every young guy in the mall was wearing a bubble furred jacket today, and as tempted as I was to mug one of them for their jacket, I listened to my concious and continued looking. Aeropostale had one, but it was shiny black, and the store clerk told me I looked like a rubber tire in it, it was so shiny. I thanked him for his opinion, and agreed, so I put the shiny rubber jacket back on the shelf. I found lots of cute jackets, but I said only fur would suffice. I was hoping I could find a real fur jacket, just to piss off PETA and junk.
I finally gave up and drove home, with some new clothes, but broken hearted about the jacket. I guess I will have to drive to College Station one day next week to see if I can be fortunate enough to find another one in the mall. It seems to be the only way. I have considered sending Ralph out into the pasture to catch another rabbit for me to slaughter for it's meager hide and make my own jacket, but I'm not skilled at that kind of thing. I also, for just a second, considered turning into Cruella DeVille and after the grandpups grow up, making a dog fur jacket, but Sipsi and Ralph didn't like that idea... I guess I'm just gonna have to keep looking... *Sigh*
Shopping Dilemma Current mood: bummed Category: Fashion, Style, Shopping
"No matter what I do, all I think about is you, even with I'm with my boo, you know I'm crazy over you" Haha. The word dilemma made me think of the old school Nelly/Kelly song!
The weirdest thing has happened to me. I actually somewhat enjoy clothes shopping for myself, especially nice, trendy clothing articles that make me look good. I used to hate to shop, and wore a solid polo shirt and khakis every day. Now I find myself expressing myself more through clothes, which I thought would never happen, and enjoy getting compliments on them. I still hate spending hours looking at things and so forth, but since I've discovered I look good in earth tones, blues and whites, I enjoy finding "fun" things to wear, that I actually look good in.
So. This story starts a few weeks ago, when one of the smartest, fashionable people in the world, HLM Jay-R, posted a blog about his christmas/birthday wish list. On this list, Mr. M. posted a photo of the greatest jacket in the world. It's a mens bubble jacket with a hood with faux fur on it! I fell in love immediately and though I remain thrifty, I lusted after that jacket, and pictured myself looking young and sexy in it, even though I rarely wear jackets since I'm so hot natured, but that's beside the point.
So last wednesday, as many of you know, I had to go to College Station to take my state exit exam, and after the completion of the passed exam, I was feeling good and wanted to walk around the mall to do some xmas shopping.
Well I went in one of the stores, either Bealls or Dillards, and low and behold, there was the gorgeous bubble jacket. Now here's where I show my true colors as an idiot. I was talking to Melanie on the phone, and looked at the Polo jacket, which was 50% off, only $50! I urged myself to walk by, since I needed to spend my meager state salary on gifts for others, instead of myself. I left the store, but still thought about the gorgeous jacket.
So fast forward to today. I woke up and was freezing!!! I had to go to Mexia to go Wal-Marting, and as I left WalMart, I became cold and depressed, and new the exact comfort item I needed. I spontaneously drove to Waco, and decided that I would find me a furred hooded bubble jacket and buy it for myself, because I deserved it! So I started out in Kolls. There was a fantastic sale going on, and I searched everywhere for the hidden jacket, but my expenditure of energy was useless. I scoured that store but to no avail, could not find a jacket. I didnt end up empty handed though, I found some nice jeans and a few shirts that I grabbed, but no jacket. I also saw some great trendy clothes that I wanted, but decided to be a little thrifty and passed them by. (I really want to go back and get the scholarly sweater though.) Next I tried the Belk. That attempt was fruitless also. Ross is next to Belk, so I went in and looked and FOUND a jacket. However, the jacket was white-out white and overstuffed. I rarely buy Ross clothes since there is usually some kind of defect, but I tried on the jacket. It was way too gangsta for me, and I looked like a marshmallow in it. Besides the fur was ugly. I left Ross empty handed.
After that I tried the Richland Mall. I looked everywhere but could not find one. To make matters worse, it seems like every young guy in the mall was wearing a bubble furred jacket today, and as tempted as I was to mug one of them for their jacket, I listened to my concious and continued looking. Aeropostale had one, but it was shiny black, and the store clerk told me I looked like a rubber tire in it, it was so shiny. I thanked him for his opinion, and agreed, so I put the shiny rubber jacket back on the shelf. I found lots of cute jackets, but I said only fur would suffice. I was hoping I could find a real fur jacket, just to piss off PETA and junk.
I finally gave up and drove home, with some new clothes, but broken hearted about the jacket. I guess I will have to drive to College Station one day next week to see if I can be fortunate enough to find another one in the mall. It seems to be the only way. I have considered sending Ralph out into the pasture to catch another rabbit for me to slaughter for it's meager hide and make my own jacket, but I'm not skilled at that kind of thing. I also, for just a second, considered turning into Cruella DeVille and after the grandpups grow up, making a dog fur jacket, but Sipsi and Ralph didn't like that idea... I guess I'm just gonna have to keep looking... *Sigh*
Attached- A mini story
More freewriting. This is something I used to do awhile back as a hobby. I write a story about feelings, in an artish way. Please let me know what you think. If my readers would like, I would be glad to continue this. FYI There is always something true about my thoughts in this writing. The majority may be fiction, but it is based on realness.
Attached, but not to each other
The bar is jamming. I'm alone as always, enjoying the music, atmosphere and my vodka. Through the smoke filled bar I see you sitting alone, against the wall.
My heart flutters.
You smile at me and wink. Those beautiful dark deep eyes staring in my direction, and the way you lick your juicy lips sends a flash of red through my face. All of a sudden everyone else in the bar becomes non-existant, and the connection between our eyes grows stronger.
My heart flutters.
As you get up and walk in my direction, recognition takes form. I never thought I would see you here. Our relationship is different, one of coworkers, not of bar friends. I down the last of my vodka as you take a seat beside me. You smile and my temperature rises. I cannot act a fool in front of you. I want you to want me, just as I have lusted after you in my heart for the past several months.After a 5 year break of seeing you when we were younger, I realize that both of us have changed, for the better. You put your hand softly over mine, and stroke my palms with your fingertip.
My heart flutters.
"Please stay here" I whisper as I jump up towards the bar where I order my drink plus a shot of Stoli. After downing the shot, I make my way towards my table, with you waiting. I've got to be a good guy. Since we've been reintroduced after the 5 year break, you appear to like me more, and I want it to stay that way. I never would have guessed you liked me in a more serious way, one that I secretly yearned for since our reintroduction.You look up, smile and say "Hello."
My heart flutters (Damn Heart)
I smile, and stare at you with my green/grey eyes. Eyes that a past lover claimed I could hyptnotize someone with.
"Hello" I murmer. "Nice seeing you here tonight."
You reply "I heard this is where you were on Friday nights. I wanted to see if it was true"
My heart double flutters
I can feel the burning in my face, as well as my loins. I grab your other hand and display a seductive smile. You'r hands are soft and warm, unlike the night outside the bar. You grab my hand and slowly raiseit towards your face, where you lightly kiss my hand, almost as if I was royalty.
My heart flutters.
"I'm excited to see you here" I stutter out. I could use a whole bottle of Stoli versus another shot at this time. You tell me you are also, but its loud and you want to talk. We grab our belongings and go to pay our tabs for the night, where I shoot another ounce of Stoli.
My heart is turning somersaults
We walk to the open courtyard/garden a few blocks away. Lovers fill the park benches, blankets on grass and even propped up on picnic tables.
I lead you towards a dark corner of the courtyard. My secret place where i daydream frequently, and spend alone time. Behind the large, fragrant rose bushes growing there, we embrace.
My heart is about to come out my chest
We embrace and my hands cannot help but wander. I notice your's are too! All of a sudden our lips meet. I swear I see fireworks! The kiss, slow at first, develops into an attack of passion in which no-one, yet everyone is winning at once. My knees go weak, my netherlands stronger.
My heart is beyond fluttering
Thoughts begin to race through my head. I must have you, and it must be tonight! Places cross my mind, yet my body is still in the shaded corner of the garden, it's midnight with a full moon. Kissing and rubbing and hugging, it feels as if neither of us can get enough of one another. My mind is recollecting memories about our recent reintroduction into each others' lives and I pinch myself to assure that I am in reality
My heart flutters.
Then, out of nowhere, I hear him, calling your name. I know him workwise, and I know his reputation of being possessive. I ask what's going on, and those gorgeous deep eyes are frozen in fear. I ask again, in which you say "shhh" and listen to him calling, looking for you. I realize at once what you are to him. You are already someone's mate, and I am left out.
My heart cracks.
You grab my chin fiercly, and look me in the eyes. You tell me you care about me and want me like you've never wanted another. "But him" I state. You apoligize and say that you are confused. He has not been bad to you and you would hate to hurt him. You have always been moralistic, an area that I lack greatly in, so I try to understand.He sounds worried, yet I wanna say "Fuck Him" and stay here in our hidded paradise. You look me in the eyes again and say you must go to him, but can we see each other again.
My heart struggles to beat
I hesitate. I look at those deep eyes. I can still taste those delicious lips and swell your aroma, reminiscent of cinnamon and caramel, like your complexion.I have been in a similar situation before. I know how it feels to be the "other" man. I know how everyone involves hurts, and feelings of love can evolve into feelings of hate. I curse the fates for their humor.Your eyes are still locked on mine. I walk up to you and embrace you. I kiss those fantastic lips once again. I whisper in your ear. "Go. See me again when you have the chance." You look at me and I hope its too dark for you to see the single tear I let fall during my comprehension of the situation.
My heart hurts
You look at me, kiss me on my hands, neck and lips. You smile with your naiveness and try to tell me that everything will work out. You tell me that we will discuss this situation in person on Monday. You claim to have waited a long time to get over the fear of approaching me, and since the feeling is mutual, you must pursue these feelings that have been harbored for so long. You kiss me again, on my neck. I hear him call again for you. You look at me, ask for forgiveness and before I know it, you are beside him, looking like the ideal couple.
My heart breaks...
Attached, but not to each other
The bar is jamming. I'm alone as always, enjoying the music, atmosphere and my vodka. Through the smoke filled bar I see you sitting alone, against the wall.
My heart flutters.
You smile at me and wink. Those beautiful dark deep eyes staring in my direction, and the way you lick your juicy lips sends a flash of red through my face. All of a sudden everyone else in the bar becomes non-existant, and the connection between our eyes grows stronger.
My heart flutters.
As you get up and walk in my direction, recognition takes form. I never thought I would see you here. Our relationship is different, one of coworkers, not of bar friends. I down the last of my vodka as you take a seat beside me. You smile and my temperature rises. I cannot act a fool in front of you. I want you to want me, just as I have lusted after you in my heart for the past several months.After a 5 year break of seeing you when we were younger, I realize that both of us have changed, for the better. You put your hand softly over mine, and stroke my palms with your fingertip.
My heart flutters.
"Please stay here" I whisper as I jump up towards the bar where I order my drink plus a shot of Stoli. After downing the shot, I make my way towards my table, with you waiting. I've got to be a good guy. Since we've been reintroduced after the 5 year break, you appear to like me more, and I want it to stay that way. I never would have guessed you liked me in a more serious way, one that I secretly yearned for since our reintroduction.You look up, smile and say "Hello."
My heart flutters (Damn Heart)
I smile, and stare at you with my green/grey eyes. Eyes that a past lover claimed I could hyptnotize someone with.
"Hello" I murmer. "Nice seeing you here tonight."
You reply "I heard this is where you were on Friday nights. I wanted to see if it was true"
My heart double flutters
I can feel the burning in my face, as well as my loins. I grab your other hand and display a seductive smile. You'r hands are soft and warm, unlike the night outside the bar. You grab my hand and slowly raiseit towards your face, where you lightly kiss my hand, almost as if I was royalty.
My heart flutters.
"I'm excited to see you here" I stutter out. I could use a whole bottle of Stoli versus another shot at this time. You tell me you are also, but its loud and you want to talk. We grab our belongings and go to pay our tabs for the night, where I shoot another ounce of Stoli.
My heart is turning somersaults
We walk to the open courtyard/garden a few blocks away. Lovers fill the park benches, blankets on grass and even propped up on picnic tables.
I lead you towards a dark corner of the courtyard. My secret place where i daydream frequently, and spend alone time. Behind the large, fragrant rose bushes growing there, we embrace.
My heart is about to come out my chest
We embrace and my hands cannot help but wander. I notice your's are too! All of a sudden our lips meet. I swear I see fireworks! The kiss, slow at first, develops into an attack of passion in which no-one, yet everyone is winning at once. My knees go weak, my netherlands stronger.
My heart is beyond fluttering
Thoughts begin to race through my head. I must have you, and it must be tonight! Places cross my mind, yet my body is still in the shaded corner of the garden, it's midnight with a full moon. Kissing and rubbing and hugging, it feels as if neither of us can get enough of one another. My mind is recollecting memories about our recent reintroduction into each others' lives and I pinch myself to assure that I am in reality
My heart flutters.
Then, out of nowhere, I hear him, calling your name. I know him workwise, and I know his reputation of being possessive. I ask what's going on, and those gorgeous deep eyes are frozen in fear. I ask again, in which you say "shhh" and listen to him calling, looking for you. I realize at once what you are to him. You are already someone's mate, and I am left out.
My heart cracks.
You grab my chin fiercly, and look me in the eyes. You tell me you care about me and want me like you've never wanted another. "But him" I state. You apoligize and say that you are confused. He has not been bad to you and you would hate to hurt him. You have always been moralistic, an area that I lack greatly in, so I try to understand.He sounds worried, yet I wanna say "Fuck Him" and stay here in our hidded paradise. You look me in the eyes again and say you must go to him, but can we see each other again.
My heart struggles to beat
I hesitate. I look at those deep eyes. I can still taste those delicious lips and swell your aroma, reminiscent of cinnamon and caramel, like your complexion.I have been in a similar situation before. I know how it feels to be the "other" man. I know how everyone involves hurts, and feelings of love can evolve into feelings of hate. I curse the fates for their humor.Your eyes are still locked on mine. I walk up to you and embrace you. I kiss those fantastic lips once again. I whisper in your ear. "Go. See me again when you have the chance." You look at me and I hope its too dark for you to see the single tear I let fall during my comprehension of the situation.
My heart hurts
You look at me, kiss me on my hands, neck and lips. You smile with your naiveness and try to tell me that everything will work out. You tell me that we will discuss this situation in person on Monday. You claim to have waited a long time to get over the fear of approaching me, and since the feeling is mutual, you must pursue these feelings that have been harbored for so long. You kiss me again, on my neck. I hear him call again for you. You look at me, ask for forgiveness and before I know it, you are beside him, looking like the ideal couple.
My heart breaks...
Randomness
I realized how much I hated working in the affluent side of town when I saw a couple pushing a stroller meant for twins, and instead of twins it contained four poodles wearing pink argyle sweaters. The cashier at the liquor store said she was worried about me because she hadn't seen me the day before.
We promised ourselves we'd wait until our fifth wedding anniversary to tell our families we met in a porn chatroom.
When the reverend asked me whether or not I'd read the whole, entire Bible, I didn't hesitate in answering, "No, but I read the whole, entire Harry Potter series in one weekend."
As my knife found his flesh, I never would have guessed that my would be rapist would later sue me for his medical bills.
I have a twisted family that made me believe that chocolate milk came from brown cows until I was 14.
I received a call at 3am last night from a very exicted young man who confided in me explicitly, and asked me to keep it secret, about his first homosexual experience earlier that evening, and all I could do was say "sorry sir, you have the wrong number"
As I felt the skin of my upper thigh tug as I tried to pull the small bottle of superglue out of my right pocket, I realized something must have gone horribly wrong.
We lost the baby a week after we finished the nursery
My ex-boyfriend's ex-girlfriend, who happens to be my ex-girlfriend, is dating my ex-girlfriend and I am honestly happy for them.
After years of proclaiming my extreme objection to cell phones, all it took for me to get one was a message on my voicemail from my mother saying she had to take a cab to the emergency room because I was not home to answer her call.
The death threat wasn't even the worst part of my day.
It just dawned on me that I paid 20 cents for his text that said "Don't ever call me again."
"I would run away with you tomorrow if I weren't dating your best friend," he said while we were having sex on my best friend's bed.
When I was 14 I saw a gang of younger kids killing a wild rodent, so I went behind the apartment building and cried.
Not 24 hours after she dumped me outside of my 6th period chemistry class, she discovered she was pregnant with my baby.
_______________________________
SOME CHASE THOUGHTS
Just curious to why ppl seem to think I'm a relationship/sex therapist, when I am probably the most unexperienced person in both fields in the world. My advice seems to work though.
Also, why do ppl criticize me for pampering my pets, when my pets are the ones that love me more than anyone else in the world?
Why can't I ever seem to be satisfied with what life gives me? Why do I always want more?
Why is it easy to think of doing an action, yet when it comes time to actually act, the fear sets in.
Why is failing such a big fear for so many ppl, especially when others are depending on you?
Why can some ppl eat anything they want and stay super thin, but others smell food and automatically gain 20 lbs?
I fully understand Taylor Swift's "Teardrops on my guitar" now. She liked a guy who was her friend, but he liked someone else, so he confided in her about his thoughts of lust towards the other one, which ended up hurting Taylor. Funny how that really happens.
Or what about liking someone secretly, then finding out your friend likes that person also, not secretly, and the friend and the prospect hook up, and the friend, not knowing you were interested in the prospect, keeps calling/texting you, asking for relationship/sex advice. You know you're a good person when you give that person honest advice, and are happy that he/she has found happiness. Thankfully I'm a good person. I realized that "it wasn't mutual" without it being unspoken, and there is nothing I can do about that but keep the minor hurt inside, and feel happiness for the friends and hope that everything works out well for them.
We promised ourselves we'd wait until our fifth wedding anniversary to tell our families we met in a porn chatroom.
When the reverend asked me whether or not I'd read the whole, entire Bible, I didn't hesitate in answering, "No, but I read the whole, entire Harry Potter series in one weekend."
As my knife found his flesh, I never would have guessed that my would be rapist would later sue me for his medical bills.
I have a twisted family that made me believe that chocolate milk came from brown cows until I was 14.
I received a call at 3am last night from a very exicted young man who confided in me explicitly, and asked me to keep it secret, about his first homosexual experience earlier that evening, and all I could do was say "sorry sir, you have the wrong number"
As I felt the skin of my upper thigh tug as I tried to pull the small bottle of superglue out of my right pocket, I realized something must have gone horribly wrong.
We lost the baby a week after we finished the nursery
My ex-boyfriend's ex-girlfriend, who happens to be my ex-girlfriend, is dating my ex-girlfriend and I am honestly happy for them.
After years of proclaiming my extreme objection to cell phones, all it took for me to get one was a message on my voicemail from my mother saying she had to take a cab to the emergency room because I was not home to answer her call.
The death threat wasn't even the worst part of my day.
It just dawned on me that I paid 20 cents for his text that said "Don't ever call me again."
"I would run away with you tomorrow if I weren't dating your best friend," he said while we were having sex on my best friend's bed.
When I was 14 I saw a gang of younger kids killing a wild rodent, so I went behind the apartment building and cried.
Not 24 hours after she dumped me outside of my 6th period chemistry class, she discovered she was pregnant with my baby.
_______________________________
SOME CHASE THOUGHTS
Just curious to why ppl seem to think I'm a relationship/sex therapist, when I am probably the most unexperienced person in both fields in the world. My advice seems to work though.
Also, why do ppl criticize me for pampering my pets, when my pets are the ones that love me more than anyone else in the world?
Why can't I ever seem to be satisfied with what life gives me? Why do I always want more?
Why is it easy to think of doing an action, yet when it comes time to actually act, the fear sets in.
Why is failing such a big fear for so many ppl, especially when others are depending on you?
Why can some ppl eat anything they want and stay super thin, but others smell food and automatically gain 20 lbs?
I fully understand Taylor Swift's "Teardrops on my guitar" now. She liked a guy who was her friend, but he liked someone else, so he confided in her about his thoughts of lust towards the other one, which ended up hurting Taylor. Funny how that really happens.
Or what about liking someone secretly, then finding out your friend likes that person also, not secretly, and the friend and the prospect hook up, and the friend, not knowing you were interested in the prospect, keeps calling/texting you, asking for relationship/sex advice. You know you're a good person when you give that person honest advice, and are happy that he/she has found happiness. Thankfully I'm a good person. I realized that "it wasn't mutual" without it being unspoken, and there is nothing I can do about that but keep the minor hurt inside, and feel happiness for the friends and hope that everything works out well for them.
Friday, May 8, 2009
Ok! Here we go...
So I started a blog here! Still learning how to do everything. Probably also going to import some of my better myspace blogs over here also... Myspace is somewhat fading out, and blogspot seems to be a pretty good place to start a blog.... Hopefully I can learn more about the site, when I actually have time. Expect random blogs of all subjects, expect to learn alot about me... Anyways, we'll talk a little later.
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