And my body falls to pieces

Ok, so here's a blog to let everyone know what's been going on with me the past few days.

Following my awesome trip to Austin last week, I began noticing that I was having some upper chest/head congestion which I just attributed to the changing weather, allergies in the air and whatever. I also realized that I was getting ANOTHER staph infection, this time below my tailbone in a very unpleasant spot.

Since I've now been back with the State of Texas for 3 months, my health insurance has kicked in and I decided to get it checked out. I had been planning a med review anyway to see if there is anything I can do to help with my ADD and serotonin deficiency which has been causing anxiety attacks, and since my ass felt like it was falling off and my chest felt like it was full of fluid, I made an appointment with a local MD and decided to get to the root of these problems.

Upon visiting the Dr, she was most concerned with my airflow and chest, which was my least worry. She urged me to go to Parkview Regional Hospital asap, and even had a bed reserved there. At first I resisted, knowing I have too much to do, but after concurring with my mother, who acts as if I'm 4 years old and cannot make my own decision, I ended up at PRH, with plans to transfer to a larger hospital once everything was stabilized in Mexia. (My doctor had originally said I'd only be there 2 days anyways.) My first night there (Wednesday) I had several chest xrays, gallons of blood drawn, 2 ivs put in and was treated as if I was dying. My O2 stats dropped down to 81 when I was sleeping so they freaked out over that and stuck a nasal cannula in my nose, as well as implementing breathing treatments every 4 hours. I finally made it through Wednesday night, though not in the brightest of moods. My cigarettes had been stripped from me, I was stuffed in that little bed and was suffering from heartburn on top of that. Vicodin was the only thing that kept me sane, in an insane way that night.
Thursday morning I awoke in a better mood though. I was to have the staph infection on my butt lanced and drained, my chest consults were to be discussed and hopefully I was to be discharged to return home and get back into my groove of things. Well it turned out that the butt infection was so deep that I was to be put to sleep so they could clean it down to the bone. The infection had spread to by bloodstream so I was facing a staph caused death if it didn't get attended to fast enough, and my lung xrays weren't good enough so I had to go to have a chest ct scan to figure out while I couldn't breathe from my right lung.
The surgery went fine except I was catheterized without my consent, and didn't know until I arose a couple of hours later to urinate and about passed out from the pain. I was leaking discharge out of the lesion on my behind, so they stuck maxi pads on my ass to drain it and I was given another IV in my other arm to have tracing dye placed in my blood. All of this done, no cigarettes or coffee for over 24 hours and I was a nervous, jackass wreck. I demanded to be released and at least transferred to another facility, but it turned out that Providence would not accept me as a patient since PRH was doing the exact same thing in Mexia.
Eff them I said. At least my nurses were taking care of me, and all the PRH staff with exception of one evil hag (who has been addressed) were all so kind to me.
So as results came in on the lungs, it turns out that there was no airflow in my right lung because the bish has decided to semi collapse like an accordion. There was also the chance of some lung cancer and COPD, but I'm not worried about it. I have a history of weak lungs since I've had pneumonia years ago, and I guess my obsession with my precious cigarettes don't help much. Basically I was told I had to quit smoking or die. Still haven't made that decision yet though. lol

I have been put on so many meds though. Besides my normal paroxitine, I have also had Klonapin implemented, vicodin for pain, something else for the muscular esophageal spasms I've been having and several asthma meds. Welbutrin has also been implemented in dealing with the quitting smoking and withdrawal depression that comes from it. If it doesn't work I guess I'll switch to Chantix. I'd love to be a social smoker, but I don't know if my personality type can handle it right now. I finally got my adderall, which is a life saver since much of my smoking was due to excess energy. So since I'm heavily medicated, the chance of me going on a murderous rampage right now is low, and I'm planning on just getting back into my healthy routine and figuring out what is good for Chase. I keep using the money I'll save on cigarettes as an incentive to quit smoking.

The main thing is that I don't sacrifice my quality of life for my length of life. I've seen so many people give up happiness, just to have more days of misery on earth, which doesn't appeal to me at all. I have a bucket list that I'm working on, but when it's time for me to go out, I plan to do it well!

Thanks so much for the well wishes I've been getting. Even though I'm one of the strangest ppl in the world, the people who care about me rock my socks and as I learn more about my disease(s) I will keep yall informed of the drama and shiz.

Seratonin and insanity

So, its been approximately a week since I've last posted. As my life goes on every day, I reflect back on this past week and realize that this has been one of the oddest weeks of my adult life. I am continuing to travel through the world of Carrie Bradshaw and her fabulous friends and am in the middle of about 4 novels right now as well, all of them different genres and opposite themes. Though I've been enjoying watching the SITC series, I haven't really been inspired to write about the topics, because frankly, I haven't been interested in love, sex and relationships, which as we all know are the major themes of that show. I've dropped the novels I was reading with love themes and traded them in for tragedies, self-finding, and unconventional fiction that only a genius can invent.

I've also been off my Paroxitine for about a week now, which means that my body is going through a major serotonin deficiency and withdrawal. The results, however have been so interesting in the fact that my creative, real side is emerging. The raw, realistic, somewhat morbid Chase is beginning to show. The pure jack-ass Chase that my employees at work detest. The Chase that society tends to shun because he's so "odd." As I take notes of my body's reaction to this lack of medication I've been on for over a year, its scary as well as intriguing to watch. I've noticed my brain is always in a daze, yet studying and comprehending several things at once. I've taken on an insane look in my eyes, and have absolutely no appetite, except for cigarettes, coffee and iced water. I've also been infested with some sort of terrible upper respiratory bacteria that is wreaking havoc on my body, which is not pleasant at all.

Serotonin is the chemical that our brain produces when we sleep. My brain, for some unknown reason, doesn't produce enough of this chemical which is causing the present effects that I'm noticing in my body, physically and mentally. This was dealt with in the past by supplementing a prescription drug into by body to preserve the balance. Now this drug has been ripped away. Add to that the fact that I have this upper respiratory infection which is affecting the little sleep that I get and you get the crazed maniac that I currently am.

This past week at work was almost an absolute hell. I love my job and everything it entails, but there have been a few confidential issues going on facility wide which is placing me in an unattractive spotlight currently. It's definitely true that when there's waves in upper management, those waves continue to ripple down to middle-lower management where I presently reside. The results aren't always pleasant, but situations like these can make or break a person's career and I'll be damned if I let this break me.

I also went to Austin again last weekend for a date and night on the town, and had the most absolute best night of my life. The company I had was phenomenal (I hope I've made a new friend for life), the night life, bar hopping and freedom was so exhilarating. I don't ever remember having that great of a time.

Driving back to Mexia yesterday though, a thought crossed my mind. Would moving to Austin for that reason actually be a wise decision right now? Would I be setting myself up for failure by living a life of reality versus what I see in television shows, movies and novels? Obviously unless you're an heiress like Paris Hilton, or some other well fortuned individual, the life of fun will not be consistent with the life of hardships that occur wherever a person lives. Would I actually, in doing what makes me happy right now, be the cause of hate, resentment and depression later in life? I absolutely do not want that to happen. As my real self oversees the parts that have been hidden for so long, I realize that I don't have a clue of what I want in life, besides to be happy. As a 24 year old, I don't know what I want to be when I "grow up." I don't know whether I want to live in a booming metro area, versus a solitary place that's rich with peace and quiet. I realize that just because I'm not living the same life that the 20-somethings I interacted with last weekend doesn't mean I'm not living. Also, just because I'm in a town of 6000 people doesn't mean I have to fit that small town mold that's so wildly encouraged in these parts. I proved that to myself last weekend by taking the trip down south and having the time of my life. So, as it appears right now, I haven't a clue what to do. I know I'm at least content right now, working in an awesome job, attending school still without the slightest idea of a major and supporting myself well enough that I am able to take those spontaneous trips and adventures that I find calling me every once in a while. I must be doing something right. Plus I can see my goals ahead of me. I can see that I want to write, I want to help people and I want to live the way that I want, not the way that the people in Mexia, or the people in Austin want me to live.

I'm a self supporting, intelligent 20 something guy with no major ties. I'm not interested in falling in love currently (if love exists) though I wouldn't knock it if it did happen to me because it would just be another mountain to climb. I've realized that I can be utterly physically attracted to someone, enjoy their personality and have great sex with them, and not commit myself to the priority of accepting the responsibility of an unconventional relationship that is required when this happens. I've always been a "romantic" personality type, but now I'm realizing that being a romantic isn't my only personality trait. The independence, creativity and humanitarian is also in there, and to make it work, there should be an equal balance of all these traits.

So we must ask; what's in store for Chase? To answer bluntly, I don't know. The lack or serotonin has handicapped my ability to fully focus and make future plans as I've always been prone to do. Right now I'm taking it one day at a time. I know that I want to further my education, my career and my living situations, but the how isn't as important as it's been in the past. I've been getting awesome, random ideas for novels and would love to begin working on them since being a published author is a long term goal that I have. I'm also watching the changes at my present company of employment and keeping an eye open for ways to advance and prove myself worthy. I've decided to continue school, without the idea of a major since I've already got enough hours completed for the equivalent of a master's degree and am going to take what appeals to me and if I have to get a bachelor's in general studies instead of a specific field, oh well. The idea of college anyways is to learn instead of creating a program. Maybe when I have the number of hours to be equivalent to a PhD, I'll have decided on a major and have the official piece of paper. Who's business is it besides my own anyway?

So to end this scattered post of ideas, I am still going to blog about whatever comes to mind. I will continue to pursue my career, education and getting a novel published. As for location, housing and lifestyle I think I'm going to sit back and watch, see what fate offers and make the decision on what's best for Chase. :o)

Episode 3- "Bay of Married Pigs"

Episode 3 of Sex in the City was an awesome one based on an awesome topic, Singles versus Marrieds and the silent war between them.

Beginning with Carrie being flashed by a friend's husband while visiting them on vacation, the girls have their usual convo over dinner in reference to the fact that the wife became angry with Carrie over her husband's indecency.

The girls start a topic that we all wonder about sometime in our life; is it better being single or married, and do married people have something against singles in general? Topics begin to fly faster than I can remember, but something the girls all agreed on was that once someone becomes married/attached, they seem to leave their single friends. Is it because they don't trust a single around their partner? Is it because they feel they are above a single?

The girls felt that a single in a group of marrieds was usually treated like a leper, or worse, a whore. Also why were couples always invited to events? Even if, as a single you're invited to an event, why are you expected to bring a date? These questions have haunted me for years, especially as someone who usually couldn't get a date, and in turn had to miss the events.

As a strong single man in a married/ couples' world, I have had to deal with this quite frequently. In societies across the world the norm is defined as meeting someone special, settling down and raising kids that probably can't be afforded.

In today's time, people who remain to be single are obviously freaks. Usually there is some excuse people make for the individuals that choose not to choose the norm. For example, one of the major excuses people make in a small town is that the terminally single person is secretly gay. Sometimes the people (especially the old people) say that the single is "not quite right in the head." The lame excuse of being overburdened in your career is sometimes even said in the small town.

In episode 3, Miranda is at her law firm's annual softball game that's full of co-workers and spouses. Miranda, who's single, realizes that she's not fitting in these events, but continues to attend for the exposure and hopes of a promotion. At the game Miranda's coworker decides to set her up on a blind date, who turns out to be a lesbian. Miranda, who is straight, automatically begins to get professional recognition, which in turns leads to her faking a date at the company dinner party with her lesbian friend.
This scene actually frightened me. Miranda, who I've always seen as strong, though a bit unstable, actually is desperate enough for the exposure to pretend to be something that was for so long forbidden in order to get what she wants! To see the lack of recognition as a single, versus much attention in a gay relationship, among a group of affluent republicans is shocking to say the least. I began to ponder this in relation to life. Here in Mexia, a fairly conservative and small town, the single would have out bounded the lesbian in that battle, or at least I expect since neither singles or homosexuals seem to be welcome around here. In the real world, however, (outside of Mexia or any small southern town) I could honestly see this actually happening! In the 21st century being gay is actually becoming a trend, I don't see any trend developing around singles. Could it be if I were to live in Dallas, Atlanta, Miami, Los Angeles or Manhattan, a married man, regardless of age, orientation, color or religion, be preferred over me? I can actually see this happening.

Single people are also majorly stereotyped. Singles have been defined as immature, party animals, whores and man-stealers, desperate wannabes and social failures. These people who do the stereotyping usually tend to forget that once they weren't always the respectable attached people they are now.

Personally I enjoy being single. I can barely take care of a dog, how am I supposed to take care of a significant other and, if hell were to freeze over, a kid? I have the personality of wanting to do what I want, when I want. I like to spend my hard earned, meager salary on myself. Of course, having someone to walk home with, keep the bed warm and have deep conversations with is nice, but can't that all be accomplished with casual dating? Surely that's better than being attached at the hip to someone.

Casual dating can be defined as many things. It can be done out of convenience, such as the events where a date is expected. This instance doesn't have to be romantic or sexual. It can be done with a friend. For example if the company banquet is next week, you don't have a date, call up a friend to see if s/he would like to go. This is perfectly fine, as you will enjoy your company and still attend the event without being dubbed as the horrid single. One note of caution though: Once the news gets out that you and your date aren't romantically involved, expect pity and sympathy. You will now not only be labeled as a "single," but also as a pathetic one that can't get a date. I speak from experience on this, as its happened to me once, twice or 6 times before.

Next we come to the "friends with benefits" casual dating. This is the type of dating where two people are not in a committed relationship, but have physical relations and consider themselves friends. Since FWB is usually not monogamous, being safe is a priority. As long as you are protecting your priority, yourself, then there is absolutely nothing wrong with this scenario. Humans, including nuns and priests, have physical urges, and finding someone you know and trust to address these can really take a load off you. FWB will sometimes go on public dates, such as dinner, movies or something which only increases the fun! Now, not only are your physical needs addressed but also your social ones. With some people, FWB dating is the only way to be. One note of caution. Be on the lookout for those darn love-like feelings to develop. Once one of the people in the relationship develops feelings, the whole thing will fall apart, including the friendship. Jealous people do horribly in these relationships (which is why I never do them).

The last, and my personal favorite form of casual dating is the "Emphasis on CASUAL dating." In my opinion, this is the ideal relationship. You find a person you like, and likes you in return and casually date. You are committed to once another, and there is no sleeping around. This is the person that, when you want a date, accompanies you. In EOC dating, you aren't attached at the hip, but you're still true to your partner. You will not live together (but may occasionally spend the night with each other), or see each other every day, but that makes the dates you do spend together more special. From my viewing experience, the fire and romance lasts longer on this type of dating. Also, if one day you do decide you want to be "attached," this dating will smooth the evolution process of that.

Different people have different preferences, wants and needs though. Its important to find the type, and partner that will suit you best to these needs.

As it can clearly be seen, as a single I represent and stick up for my peers. Being a 20-something in America today, there is way too much to do and be offered instead of settling down so early. At this time in my life, I have no plans to sacrifice everything for a "ball and chain." Maybe someday that may change. Maybe someday someone will change my mind, but until then I'm enjoying living the single life and those who don't like it can kiss a chupacabra!

Top 25 on iTunes

From iTunes, my top 25 played songs. This is from the whole existance of my iPod, so some songs are more played, just b/c they've been here longest. Curious to start tracking to see how my tastes change over time.
Poker Face- Lady GaGa: For awhile I couldn't get enough of this song. Its dark, sexy and awesome to dance to

Thinking of You- Katy Perry: One of my all time favorites. The lyrics stay locked in my mind.

Big Girls Don't Cry- Fergie: One of my all time favorites. I never grow tired of this song.

Fly On The Wall- Miley Cyrus: Fun track, full of attitude. I love to dance to this song.

Supermassive Black Hole-Muse: Something about the music, This song makes me feel bad-ass!

I Won't Say (I'm In Love)- Hercules Sndtrk- The lyrics make me feel good, and romantic

7 Things-Miley Cyrus: My most played song. There's nothing about this that I don't like. My theme.

Cooking By the Book-Lazytown: Fun, kids song.

If I were a Boy-BC Jean: Powerful and truthful. Her raspy voice pulls me in.

Paparrazi-Lady Gaga: This song makes me feel famous. I love the stalker message.

Love Story (Pop Mix)- Taylor Swift: I want this to be my love story.

We Danced Anyway- Deana Carter: This song makes me feel young, free and romantic

Mary Jane Shoes- Fergie: My bad-ass/chillout reggae song.

Turn Me On or Turn On Me- Vitamin C: An all time favorite, honest song.

So What- Pink: Im a rockstar, thats all there is to it!

Good Girl Gone Bad-Rihanna: Defines me

Midnight Train To Georgia- Gladys Knight: I love love love this song, and its awesome.

Just Like A Pill-Pink: My angry song. Always makes me vent my anger.

Please Don't Leave-Pink: Idk what it is about this song that made me fall in love w/ it.

Don't Trust Me-3OH!3: Do the Helen Keller and talk with your hips. Fun song!

Who knew-Pink: My favorite song by her. Its lyrics are sad, deep and true.

Johnny and June- Heidi Newfield: The best metaphoric love song ever written.

Party in the USA -Miley Cyrus: My new "fun" anthem.

Hello- Beyonce: Deep, true, devoted. I long to live this song.

Unbeautiful- Lesley Roy: Raw, emotional and painful. This song speaks volumes.

SITC - "Models and Mortals"

So as I advance into the world of Carrie Bradshaw and her group of 30-something, fabulous friends, episode 2 brings up a personal favorite topic, physical looks.

The episode begins with Miranda (my least favorite of the group) who is at a dinner party with a rather ordinary guy, who she later finds out is a "modelizer," a man who only dates models.

Over Chinese takeout on a Tuesday night, the girls devour this topic. As they all go over their physical flaws, compared to models, I am immediately drawn, as usual, to Samantha, who remains mum over the personal flaws conversation. When the girls confront her about this, Samantha gives the perfect answer by informing them that she loves every part of her body. While some may view Samantha as being vain, I am drawn to her confidence in her looks and attitude, something that we all know I need to improve on. In Samantha's eyes, Samantha is perfect. While the other girls complain about their bodies, Samantha gives them that "don't give a damn" attitude that I admire and covet.

Researching modelizers for her weekly column, Carrie attends a fashion show with her very stereotypically gay friend, Stanford and Samantha. While viewing the show, Samantha meets Carrie's friend Barkley, who secretly videotapes his sexual conquests, and when Samantha discovers this, she seduces him just for the chance to be on film. Stanford is also in lust with his young underwear model, Derek, who's sexuality is at the moment unknown, but he's believed to be straight.

Following the show, the group heads to an after party where Samantha goes home with Barkley and Derek, surprisingly goes home with Carrie, though they only talk and don't have sex. Miranda meets up unexpectedly with Skipper and he convinces her that she's beautiful which convinces her to allow him to go home with her where its assumed they sleep together.

The episode ends with Samantha in bed with Barkley and she asks him where the camera is. He replies to her that its not on, and that he only tapes models. Rather than being insulted, Samantha tells him to videotape them and he says he can make an exception as he turns the camera on.

My first though was "What the hell!" Had I been in Samantha's place, when he said he only taped models, my first instinct would have been to feel ugly and flee the bedroom!

That makes me wonder, how important are looks? Do we all have to look like models to get laid? If we do, what's gonna happen to the other 90% of the population who aren't starving, with flawless skin and perfect hair? I pondered this for awhile after the episode and came to the following conclusion.

Every person has, in their mind, the ideal mate. Whether they're short, tall, fat, thin, bald, hairy, big breasted or not, someone out there somewhere in the world would probably think they're the most beautiful person on earth. Based on my own experience, looks aren't at all important to me, though there are some qualities that I find extremely attractive. If I had to wake up to a stereotypical model everyday, I would go crazy! If my lover was on the cover of magazines, I would feel so self conscious that I would never remove my clothes, I would always wear heavy coats and hide in dark hallways. We won't go into the qualities that I like, but to summarize, I want someone who is proportionate to me, that I don't feel insufficient to.

With billions of people in the world, it can be hard finding someone who thinks you're ideal, versus someone who thinks you'll "do in a pinch." This is especially true in a town of only 6000 people. I believe learning this goes into the previous post about being free and taking the opportunities to pursue and find that person, without settling and developing unnecessary attachments. Who cares if that person doesn't find you're looks ideal. If you've made it far enough to get to the bedroom, obviously you aren't that hideous that you aren't considered worth it. Take the promiscuous approach, treat it as a learning experience and realize that it doesn't matter what the other person thinks. Treat it like Samantha Jones. If he doesn't think you're model material, treat yourself like you're model material. You're giving him a privilege, the privilege of being with you.

It's gonna take some personal practice for me to do this, to practice what I preach, but as a 20-something in today's world, that makes it a fun part of the game.

Sex in the City, the first episode

So a few weeks ago I decided that I wanted to watch the entire series of the HBO sitcom "Sex in the City." Those of you that know me know that I cannot "get into" a television series without being able to watch it in sequential order to know what's going on, so I finally went to Hastings yesterday and bought the season one dvd set. Over the years I've heard that this was a remarkable show and besides the humor, there are several scenarios that can be related to by young singles in the real world. Hopefully watching the series, and blogging about it will lead me to discover things about myself as well as the happenings in the real world.

The first episode begins with a "story" of a young girl, transplanted to New York from London who falls in loose love with a gentleman and then has her heart broken. She's being interviewed by Carrie Bradshaw (Jessica Parker) who then introduces us to her diverse, yet fabulous group of friends, Miranda, Charlotte and Samantha Jones. I feel an immediate connection with Charlotte, and fall immediately in love with Samantha. The four women, who are obviously totally different in looks and personality, have an unseen electric connection that binds them, and the actresses play their parts very well. Over Miranda's birthday party, the girls finally get into a good conversation, having sex "like men."

My first thought was "are they men bashers?" I am a supporter for feminism, but I don't like when any group is categorized about being all the same. But back to the conversation. The girls vow to begin having promiscuous sex without the attachment, the way that they feel men do. Charlotte immediately shows resistance, which leads me to believe that she may be a bit conservative regarding her sexuality, and may even be considered a "romantic." Again this signifies my connection with her. While I am definitely not prudish in the least, I do have a bit of a romantic streak, with contradicts the need for "no attachment." Samantha Jones, who is a very confident woman, decides that there is no problem with the idea, which also sparks a bit of envy in me that she can be so loose and comfortable with herself.

So to summarize the episode, Carrie has a fling with an ex lover, and successfully pulls it off w/o attachment. Miranda goes on a date with Carrie's friend Skipper who is an obvious nerd, and Charlotte goes on a date with a man that she decides not to sleep with, so he goes to a club and ends up taking Samantha home. We are introduced to "Mr. Big," who has an attraction to Carrie, and though I don't care for his character, he does say something of interest. While Carrie is explaining her job and the week's topic to Mr. Big, he contradicts her and tells her that not all men are able to sleep with someone without attachment. When she asks him why, he counter questions her asking her if she's ever been in love. After dropping her off at her apartment, Carrie asks him if he's ever been in love, to which he replies, "abso-fucking-lutely." Then the episode ends.

Could that be the key? Could being in love once in life be a definition to being able to be loose and free from the need of attachment? Or is it just in a person's emotional make up? Is it related to the way a person was raised? I was raised in a traditional lifestyle where the norm is to date someone, settle down and get into a life "rut" of marriage, kids and a job you hate, but so were hundreds of others I know, some who can go out to be promiscuous, and some who marry the first person they sleep with and settle down before they can legally consume alcohol.

Personally I hate that idea. I have the same mindset as Samantha Jones, and believe that life is meant to be abundant, sex fun, and in the end the only person that matters is yourself. I also have nowhere near the self confidence needed to live that lifestyle. As much as I like, yet pity her, I can also relate to Charlotte, not jumping straight into bed with one of the city's most unattainable bachelors because she doesn't want to be just another notch in the bedpost. Maybe she feels that she's just being used? Maybe Charlotte doesn't have the self confidence needed to "do it for herself."

We also must consider the idea of reputation. Being from a small town, a person's reputation can make or break them. Population is the variable in what I call the "slut factor." In a small town, a person who gets around sexually automatically gets labeled as a "slut" or "whore." In a large city, it doesn't matter as much, since there are more people and the chances of gossip and rumors getting to potential employers, landlords and people that have known you since you were a child are much less. I also feel that self confidence has a large part in this because no-one wants to be labeled as a whore, but people like Samantha Jones know they're fabulous and obviously don't care what people around them think. After all, in Samantha's eyes, Samantha is most important, which is something I totally believe in, but again don't have the confidence to follow through with.

Its obvious that in my research I pursue different scenarios and variables that define the ability for promiscuous, un-attached hook ups with randoms. Being in love once in my life, I will take that into consideration, and also since my history of "hook ups," which there honestly haven't been many, have been mostly via alcohol usage I will need to enlarge the scale and begin taking notes.

This doesn't mean I'm going to turn into a major slut lol. I plan to get out more, interview a variety of people and compile results as any competent researcher does, though participating in some research myself is not totally out of the question.

Above all, I'm a young adult, I'm semi-attractive, smart enough, and driven enough to learn as much as I can in this lifetime regarding whatever topics I want. This is my only life as Chase Simmons, and I plan to learn as much as I can about Chase Simmons and help make him as successful as possible. Whether this effects my reputation positively, negatively or whatever, I plan on being like Samantha Jones, in charge of my own life and loving myself more than anything.

Rockin it to Disney

So I'm here this afternoon, not partaking in all of the Superbowl junk thats going on today. I had some quiet leisure time, so of course I decided to browse through the thousands of songs on my iTunes to think and develop some ideas for something.
As I jammed, I found myself coming back to the disney soundtracks from the movies from my childhood. The Disney movies from that time period absolutely rocked. I listened to the lyrics that I loved as a child, but never quite understood the depth of them that I can in my adulthood.
I browsed songs from Aladdin, Little Mermaid, Sleeping Beauty and tons of other great ones. I began to listen, and said "Hey, I can relate to this." The powerful intent of the heroes and heroins from the movies filled my soul, and suddenly I understood where they were coming from...

A street rat in Arabia, who has to steal and outsmart to survive. Or the weird half fish/half woman creature that dreams to go to a place that's forbidden by her overprotective father and where the love of her life lives (plus she'd dry out and die.) What about the teenage slave to her evil, chainsmoking step-mother, and hags of step-sisters? Then there's the young, semi-cute princess, who's all alone and wants someone to love so bad that she begins to have hallucinations about him and claims she sees him in her dreams. Its all so fantastic!
Anyways, I can relate to these fictional, weird people. Mexia might as well be under the sea. The State pays so low that you must fight to survive. There's a major babe drought here, and you if you do meet someone, you may feel like a beauty, and feel that they look like a beast...

So, these songs are awesome. I think these days people forget to listen to lyrics and what they say. Since I've began to consider myself a mini-celeb (to boost self esteem) I am constantly looking for new songs to be "theme songs" or at least part of the soundtrack of my life.

Disney reminds me to follow my dreams, that anything is possible, including hideous dragons and apples that will make you sleep forever. Disney reminds me that I can grow my hair long enough to send it out the window and even the fact that someday, I may find someone to take a 21st century version of a magic carpet ride and go anywhere and not care about anything thats not of interest to me.

In closing, I want everyone to remember these lessons that Disney songs teach us. Though the times change, people change and technology changes, the structure of human nature and emotions doesn't really change. Anything is still possible and if you suppress the things you want long enough, some evil woman will make you scrub her floors, a wicked witch will give you a poison apple, or worse, an evil sea witch/octopus may try to steal your lover from you. Get out there and do it and forget all about the evil ones.